Georgia Says Screw It, Allows Guns In Airports, School Zones, Other Awesome Places To Have Guns


Today, Georgians with a hyperinflated sense of ego-driven invincibility rejoiced as Governor Nathan Deal signed into law a bill that allows them to protect innocent victims virtually anywhere they wish, like when they're drinking or when someone gives them the sideeye for not putting anything in the collection plate.

Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal signed a wide-ranging gun bill into law Wednesday that has critics howling and proponents applauding.

House Bill 60, or the Safe Carry Protection Act of 2014 -- which opponents have nicknamed the "guns everywhere bill" -- specifies where Georgia residents can carry weapons. Included are provisions that allow residents who have concealed carry permits to take guns into some bars, churches, school zones, government buildings and certain parts of airports.

What's best about this list is that they just kept adding new and even more objectionable places to the list to distract from the previous places it made no fucking sense to have a gun.

"Okay, we really want guns at bars, but people are gonna be freaked out by that.  What should we ask for to make that seem reasonable?"

"How long ago was 9/11?  Like, not that long ago, right? Fuck it, guns at airports."

"You're a goddamn genius.  No homo."

"No homo taken, bud."

Despite the huge step forward for freedom, the victory is not complete! Whiny limp-wristed gun grabbers (how can a gun grabber have a limp wrist? Doesn't that make it hard to grab the gun?) succeeded in restricting freedom in a select few places. Like, for instance, Governor Deal's workplace.

Some critics have said it was hypocritical to allow guns in so many places but not the state Capitol. Deal addressed that perception in a question from reporters, saying the Capitol fell under a wider statewide provision that affects many government buildings, and it's "a uniform carved-out area all across our state."

Sources say the area is defined as "anywhere Governor Deal is about to be, because Governor Deal is not an idiot."

Anyway, congratulations to the newly more freer people of Georgia. No longer will the state's responsible gun owners have to be saddled with leaving their guns in their hot cars without water or fresh air, just because they want to get wasted or help with their kid's show and tell or wander around heavily guarded transportation hubs talking about how the government is oppressive.

We who are about to shoot salute you.


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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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