Former Minnesota Vikings Sportsball Human Chris Kluwe announced today that he and the team hadreached an agreement to settle a lawsuit filed by Kluwe in the wake of his firing last year and a subsequent article he wrote accusing the Vikings of tolerating a culture of homophobia. Under the settlement, Kluwe, the team's former "puntsman," will receive no money himself, but the Vikings will "donate an undisclosed amount to five charities over the next five years to benefit LGBT and anti-hate groups, and will sponsor a fundraiser."


Kluwe made headlines in 2012 for his outspoken opposition to a ban on same-sex marriage in Minnesota, and also for his brilliant letter to a Maryland legislator who said that NFL players had no business taking a position on marriage equality, and that the Baltimore Ravens should prevent one of its players from speaking out on the issue. In that creatively obscene letter, Kluwe explained that NFL players are allowed to have opinions, asked why the legislator hated freedom, and advised that gay people

won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population...

Right. THAT Chris Kluwe. After making a name for himself as a brash pro-equality guy, Kluwe went on his merry way, at least until the head coach told him to quiet down -- and the Vikings' owner told him to keep speaking his mind, to which the head coach shrugged and said, "Well, he writes the checks," according to an account Kluwe published at Deadspin in January. Also in that story, Kluwe noted that his May 2013 release was preceded by months of homophobic comments from special-teams coordinator Mike Priefer, who regularly mocked Kluwe's position on marriage equality and reminded him he was going to hell, all "in a semi-joking tone," according to Kluwe. The jibes came more heavily and culminated in Priefer saying, "We should round up all the gays, send them to an island, and then nuke it until it glows." You know, as a joke. Purely by coincidence, Kluwe's performance ratings from Priefer began declining, and in May 2013 he was let go from the team. Then in January of this year, Kluwe wrote the Deadspin piece, in which he said that while he wasn't certain he'd been fired for his pro-gay views, he was "pretty confident" that was the case.

The Vikings investigated the allegations in his article, but did not release the 150-page report when the investigation ended in June; instead, they issued a 29-page summary in which Priefer admitted the statement, saying it was “a joke between three men.”

Kluwe threatened to sue for the release of the full report, and today's settlement resulted; under its terms, the full report will remain unreleased, but the team will take a lot of concrete actions to fight homophobia, so good on just about everyone involved:

The Vikings also said they would enhance sensitivity training throughout the organization and will enforce a zero-tolerance policy for any discrimination in its club code of conduct. The Vikings also agreed to sponsor a national symposium in Minneapolis involving LGBT leaders and professional athletes this spring.

Priefer will be taken to an island and nuked subject to a 3-game suspension, which can be shortened if he submits to the political correctness Nazis and learns how to act like a decent human being.

And Chris Kluwe, no longer with the NFL, has published a book of essays with a title that we'd like to think is at least Wonket-influenced, possibly by a couple of degrees of separation: Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies. Yr Wonket wishes him all the best.

[Star-Tribune / Joe.My.God / Deadspin / Photo Credit: Wonket's Own Beth Ethier]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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