Girl Park Ranger Joins Pantheon Of Superheroes! Your Weekly Top 10!

Culture Wars

See that? That's Donna Rose's "Girl Park Ranger," who this week joined the Pantheon Of Superheroes. Park Ranger and Batgirl and Wonder Woman are friends!

Evan is still out "sick," and we are at our mama's, so we gonna make this sucker SHORT and SWEET, JUST LIKE US. What were the most popular Wonkette stories this week as chosen by ME like a common Beyonce? Oh, just these. I feel like the titles are self-explanatory, don't you?

1. Classy Obamas Rescue Poor Abandoned Melania Trump, Whose Husband Is A Gross Mean Jerk!

2. Chicago To Trump: Go Fuck Yourself!

3. Guys, White House Spokesman Sean Spicer Has Lost His Freaking Mind

4. The Women's March Didn't Represent This One Lady So Let's All Pack It In Now

5. Our Long National Nightmare Beginneth Today! Liveblogging Donald Trump's Inauguration Help Us Jesus!

6. Uppity Women Marching Against Trump’s American Carnage: Your Wonkette Livebloog

7. Dad And Son Accused Of Raping Teen Girl Will Base Defense On Bible, As One Does

8. Nutbag Sheriff David Clarke Went To The Women's Riot And All He Got Was These Hurt Fee-Fees

9. Was It A Good Idea For Tennessee Yarn Shop Owner To Piss Off Feminist Knitters, Y/N?

10. Dickhole Smegma-Face Jason Chaffetz Needs A Manners Lesson, And Wonkette Is Just The Blog To Give It To Him

You did a very good job reading stories this week! Have some baby pictures from the Women's March and elsewhere. (Mostly the homes of your fellow Wonkers whom we graced with our presence!) Oh, also, it is going to be $8,000 to fix the Wonkebago, and the extended warranty people aren't going to cover it, because something about "30,000 miles without oil changes" but Shy says he did do oil changes but like he is going to keep a receipt!

So you know the drill: SEND US YR MONEY! And we will continue to do things like "go to the Women's March" and "buy you beer" and "love you" and "finally send out the 150 thank you notes we still owe from September, just see if we don't!"

Now remember: MONEY PLEASE! Okay bye.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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