Glenn Beck Harnesses His Mighty Intellect, Ciphers Out Why No American Could Have Done Boston
We are still in that exciting post-tragedy time when nobody really knows a goddamn thing, but it is very, very important tospeculate wildly as to the identity of the Bad Guys! There is a News Hole that needs a-fillin', after all! Let's see what Glenn Beck has stuffed into that particular gaping aperture...other than, of course, the obvious fact that Glenn Beck needs you to buy gold from that sketchy outfit he's a pitchman for.
Beyond that, Beck also would like to let you know that he has been doing some Heavy Thinking about who might have been responsible for the bombing. And he is not making any accusations or anything, but he knows it just has to be Middle Easterners, and not some American who's "all hacked off at the government," because, you see, it is all a matter of Culture and Psychology:
No American citizen blows up random people. That’s a Middle Eastern scene, that's not an American scene -- when our crazies go off, they target the government, not streets that are crowded with people.
This is simply LOGIC, people. Like when Jim David Adkisson shot up that government Unitarian church in Knoxville, Tennessee, to kill some liberals, or when Eric Rudolph bombed the government Olympic Park in 1996, as well as bombing government women's clinics and a government gay bar over the next two years. Or when Glenn Beck fan Byron Williams went off the rails in Oakland, California, and shot a cop who pulled him over while he was on his way to shoot up the government-run ACLU and Tides Foundation. And let's not forget Scott Roeder, who murdered government abortion provider Dr. George Tiller in his government Lutheran church.
Still, apart from the guy with the bombs, we suppose Beck gets a little credit, because the other murderers did use that far more readily available terror weapon for Americans, the Second Amendment Solution.
For that matter, as Mediaite notes, even the one domestic terrorist who best fits Beck's description, Timothy McVeigh, who actually did blow up a federal building, "also did 'blow up random people,' including 19 children under the age of 6."
Thus ends today's visit with the Mighty Mind of Glenn Beck.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.