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Prominent theologian Glenn Beck has been busy hanging streamers and making his favorite Metamucil-infused punch in preparation for this weekend's "Restoring Honor" rally, where he and Ted Nugent willreclaim the civil rights movement from the Ghost of Martin Luther King Jr. and riddle it with bullets. Beck says his festival is going to be "the Woodstock of the next generation," as well as "the anti-Woodstock." He's also calling the event an "American miracle," which sounds more credible than the Woodstock stuff given Beck's an expert on religion. Speaking of which, Beck recently said on his teevee program that Obama's not a muslin after all, but some kind of weirdo outsider Christian. Or maybe not a Christian at all?


Beck played an old Betamax of Obama -- a proclaimed United Church of Christ member -- saying, "My individual salvation is not going to come about without a collective salvation for the country." According to Beck, this is "not a Christian belief" but "liberation theology," which began with the Catholic churches in Latin America mid-last century, and is therefore rooted in Christianity, but is also strongly infused with Marxism-Communism, and is therefore also Satanic.

Beck further explained Obama's religious beliefs:

President Obama is not a Muslim. I'm taking his word that he is a Christian. But here's where it falls apart for many Americans: It's a Christianity that most Americans just don't recognize.

[ . . .]

You see, it's all about victims and victim-hood; oppressors and the oppressed; reparations, not repentance; collectivism, not individual salvation.

I don't know what that is, other than it's not Muslim, it's not Christian. It's a perversion of the gospel of Jesus Christ as most Christians know it.

You follow?

  • Obama is not Muslim.
  • Obama is a Christian.
  • Obama doesn't talk like a Christian, though, so he's not really Christian.

This exciting line of thinking seems to be gaining traction among folks on the right side of life. American Spectator contributor George Neumayr, for example, got up super-early this morning to write about how Obama is "a Relativist, Wrapped in a Muslim, Inside an Agnostic" -- a description that reminds your Wonkette of her favorite snack (a tofu dog, wrapped in fakin' bacon, inside a whole-wheat bun). Says Neumayr:

But perhaps he can be clinically described as a practicing agnostic, with deep roots in and sympathy for Islam, who views his now-professed, politically necessary religion with barely concealed disdain while allowing himself from time to time bursts of syncretistic sophistry and quasi-religious uplift. (OK, so did everybody else have to look up the word "syncretistic" in their dictionaries? Come on, be honest.)

Obama is more afraid of Glenn Beck's Christian friends than of Osama bin Lambada's radical-Islamic and Latin American liberation theologist friends, Neumayr says, which is why he is waging a culture war against Christianity along with film actor Tom Hanks (?). Luckily, America has folks like Beck and his pals fighting back to defeat Obama and take back the civil rights and the culture and our freedom, so that next year we can all beat each other up at next year's anti-Woodstockian "Restoring Honor Rally." [Media Matters for America/Glenn Beck Show/American Spectator]

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In this increasingly polarized society we live in, it's hard to find any kind of consensus on anything -- but one would think that there would still be a few things here and there that we could all agree upon. One also might assume that one of those things would be "drinking bleach is a bad idea."

But if one were to do that, they would be wrong. Because the Genesis II Church is holding a seminar today in Washington State in order to promote the use of a substance they call "Miracle Mineral Solution," which they consider a miracle cure for every disease on earth, and which the FDA and anyone who can read ingredients would consider "industrial bleach."

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This past November, far right dingbat Laura Loomer was finally kicked off of Twitter after tweeting a bunch of crazy ass hateful shit about Minnesota Congresswoman Ilhan Omar. To put it mildly, she was not happy about it. In fact, she kind of lost her fucking mind (what was left of it anyway) and ended up handcuffing herself to Twitter headquarters in order to protest the ban. She's been yelling about it ever since -- though since she's not on Twitter, few have even noticed.

Filled with desperation and with nowhere else left to turn, she is bringing her case to court and suing Twitter in hopes that a judge and jury will force the social media company to give her back her account so that she can continue to use it to scream horrible things about Muslim people all day long. This is what she is currently doing on Instagram, where she just recently went on a charming rant all about how much she hates Reps. Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar (yes, again), stating that Islam is a "cancer" and that "Muslims should not be allowed to seek positions of political office in this country. It should be illegal."

With statements like that, it is hard to believe that Twitter, or anyone, for that matter, would not be thrilled to have a normal human person like Laura Loomer on their site.

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