Glenn Beck Worried Progressives Coming To Smother Your Kids With Metaphors


The good folks at RightWing Watch are worried about Glenn Beck's emotional health; he's been all over the place lately, what with the condom gloves and the messy breakup with Michele Bachmann and his strange fantasies about memorials for Rush Limbaugh. At the moment, he seems to be on an upswing; he's ditched the ballcap and three-day beard, and is back in a blue suit, telling America that he's still in the (*sniff*) fight, because He Cares. And what has gotten the wind back in his sails? The same thing that has always inspired him -- saving America from the Progressive Threat, which is now a home-invading child-murderer:

"I feel as though I have seen a killer that I can identify -- the progressive movement -- and we have seen them lie their way into our child's bedroom every single night and smother it with a pillow."

Mind you, he's just using a metaphor here -- there's no way at all that he's suggesting a second amendment solution to this home invasion problem, perish the thought! He just loves America, and wants to protect the country that he "feels deeply about" from the Left, which wants to "smother everything that we hold dear and love, and kill it." In other words, it was a Tuesday.

The random thoughtlet appeared during a rambling self-help segment on his internet teevee show in which he offered some helpful parenting tips:

Beck has recently banned all video games in his house and warned his family that if anyone is caught playing them, every electronic device in the house will be tossed into the family swimming pool. It has made a remarkable difference, says Beck, reinforcing his view that the changes he is making in his life will work not only for him, but for the listeners on his program as well.

So if you too want to protect your children from progressives who want to smother them, threaten to throw their Playstations into the pool.

Expect further updates on the continual evolution of Glenn Beck in coming weeks. We're thinking he should give country music a try.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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