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Glenn Beck's The Blaze Making Sense Again By Reminding Us That Everyone Reclines

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Just like you, we like continuity. We dig on certainty. We like to think that when we surf on over to The Blaze, we'll get some reliable blatherskite (what? we ran out of ways to say "nonsense" in 'Merican so now we're going British) about how Obama is wrecking the country by being too black. Lately, though, The Blaze has BLOWN OUR FUCKING MINDS by making sense on some things even as everyone around them goes nuts. Really, who better than The Blaze to remind us that consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds?

Yes, if you run on over to Glenn Beck's little vanity project, you can see a semi-nuanced article about how Bamz puts his feet on the desk in the oval office but it's cool because everybody does it.

You guys! The Blaze has used the Google to turn up some pix of George W. and perpetual gaffestumble machine Gerald Ford rocking the casual feet look. This is some even-handed shit right here. Republicans have also too placed their feet on the most holy of America's relics, a fucking office desk.

However, even pictures of some of their beloved GOP tribe members has not soothed the rabid beast that is the Blaze commentariat. Also, too, Twitchy Team is on it like white on rice because really there is just nothing they can't be dumb and screechy about.

The Blaze does not let us link directly to comments, so let us give you a quick rundown of the major topics as their hive mind struggles to reconcile how to just hate Obama for doing something everyone else does without just screaming OVAL OFFICE BLACK MAN OHMYGOD for 1000 words straight.

We've got the obligatory 'splaining about how they're just mad because it is Obama and they don't have to justify it, thankyouverymuch. We've got some deeply weird explanations about how Asian people and Muslins do not like it if you show the soles of your feet to them so haha Bamz is so bad at being Muslin except he is a super-Muslin and that's bad. We've got a whole bunch o' yammer about how they are not mad that his feet are on the desk but they are mad that his boot is at the throat of America because of socialism. Lastly, there's some super righteous indignation that he has his shoes up on OUR desk because we own the White House.

Listen, government workers everywhere: we own you. We FUCKING OWN YOU. Get your feet off the desk. Put away your Hello Kitty mug. Wear a goddamn tuxedo to work and show some respect for OUR shit.

[The Blaze]

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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