Go Rand Paul! It's Primary Day In Kentucky, Arkansas, Pennsylvania & Oregon


  • How excited are you for today's four-state super-sexy primary election? WELL THAT'S NOT ENOUGH, TRY AGAIN, THIS TIME WITH MORE EXCITEMENT. Doctor Rand Paul (son of Saint Paul, from the Bible) will likely/maybe beat the hell out of Mitch McConnell and Jim Bunning's unwanted love-child, Trey Grayson, while old Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter looks pretty likely to lose his seat to what's his name, the Sleestak. And according to increasingly weird emails we're getting from some group or another, Arkansas Sen. Blanche Lincoln will be the victim of a "midnight massacre," except it will be during the day, and instead of a massacre it will be an election. John Murtha is expected to lose his district, at least partially due to his death in February. The people of Oregon, meanwhile, will vote to change the state's name to "McMenamins." Everything that happens today will be a "bellwether" for what happens in November -- unless somebody just wins their seat again, that will mean "nothing at all." [Reuters/Washington Post]
  • Have you quit paying your mortgage even though you can afford to pay your mortgage? You are a "strategic default" person, and your neighbors still paying their mortgages are going to kill you for putting another foreclosure on their street. They're going to kill you tonight. [Marketwatch]
  • Barack Obama's sick old half-aunt from Kenya will be allowed to stay in her Boston housing project. And this kind of thing will continue unless we complete the danged wall, in Kenya or maybe Boston. [Boston Globe]

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