Go to Bob Novak's Tea Party
It's almost time once again for the Evans-Novak Political Forum! Twice each year, 70 lucky rich idiots get to pay for the privilege of being personally pandered to by famous politicians, live and in the flesh. The off-the-record get together has featured such notables as Dick Cheney, Al Gore, and even some non-vice presidents. Novak keeps the speaker list quiet but we can hazard a guess or two as to who won't be speaking:
* Scooter Libby
* David Vitter
* Joe Wilson [Yes, we probably made that exact joke last year. -Ed]
The last dinner suffered a bit of trouble filling the seats due to Novak's incredible repulsiveness and unpopularity, so the mensches at Human Events Online sent a mass email begging subscribers to pony up 600 bucks each for this September's repeat. Don't they make it sound like a blast?
Dear Fellow American,
When was the last time you sat in a room just a few feet from the likes of Vice President Cheney or Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, asked a question and got a straightforward answer?
That's right, the Evans-Novak Political Forum takes place in a world where the Democrats never retook the Senate! Just listen to these happy customers:
"I was amazed by the power that was in that room. I was only a few feet away from the Vice President of the United States... and he answered my question directly. There is nowhere else I would have ever been able to do that. I'll see you at the next Forum."
J. Smith, Topeka, Kansas
Kansans with fake names so rarely get a chance to question Dick Cheney personally. The Evans-Novak Political Forum truly is the Larry King Live of DC seminars.
"I was able to get the straight scoop on the economic forecast... With that guidance, I was able to make the correct business decisions in the following months -- saving my company millions."
Fred Jones, President (former), Citicorp
Imagined exchange leading to the saving of Citicorp millions of dollars:
"FRED JONES": So, will Congress pass the bankruptcy bill?
HARRY REID: Yes, of course.
"FRED JONES": Awesome.
Don't delay! Sign up now! Operators are standing by! $600 for the chance to personally kick Steny Hoyer in the shins is a steal!
The Ultimate (Secret) Source [Evans-Novak]