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Turns out even idiots got constitutional rights


It's a great day to be a welfare rancher who refuses to pay his grazing fees and invites a bunch of armed lunatics to come prepare for an apocalyptic showdown with the evil federal government -- thanks to some seriously awful pooch-screwing by federal prosecutors, a federal judge declared a mistrial Wednesday in the case of Cliven Bundy, his sons Ammon and Ryan, and militia guy Ryan Payne, who were on trial for the 2014 standoff with federal agents near Bunkerville, Nevada. US District Court Judge Gloria Navarro ruled the prosecution had withheld important evidence from the defense, including the presence of snipers from the Bureau of Land Management, recordings of the Bundy ranch from surveillance cameras, and about 3000 pages of written reports, including a threat assessment saying the Bundy family wasn't dangerous.

Navarro pointed to assessments conducted by the FBI, the Southern Nevada Counter Terrorism Center and the BLM that said “the Bundy family is not violent” and that they “would probably get in your face, but not get into a shootout.”

The militia loons who flocked to the Bundy ranch from all over the country may have been another matter, of course.

Navarro set a new trial date for February 26, but first will hold a hearing in January to determine whether the government's misconduct was bad enough to warrant dropping the charges against the Bundys and Payne altogether. Both sides will have to file briefs by December 29 to argue for a new trial or a dismissal.

You might think the feds had a pretty easy case against the Bundys, what with all the video and photos of heavily armed Sheisskopf Korps guys taking up sniper positions and aiming at BLM officers, but as Mother Jones's Stephanie Mencimer detailed yesterday, federal prosecutors have had an almost uncanny ability to screw up their own case against Bundy and his followers. The guy might not be getting a boost from divine intervention, but government incompetence might achieve the same end.

One of the prosecution's central claims had been that the Bundys used “deceit and deception” to recruit gunmen to come to Nevada to defend Bundy from federal agents, portraying the Bundys' claims that the feds had the ranch surrounded with snipers as nothing more than a paranoid fantasy. Turns out, there were snipers, and surveillance cameras, but the prosecution had withheld that evidence from the defense. The really stupid thing about withholding those facts is that the presence of snipers still doesn't justify the Bundys' bringing in a freelance militia to threaten law enforcement:

Exasperated prosecutors filed a motion on Monday asking Navarro to limit the Bundys’ arguments to what’s actually allowed by the law. They argue that the Bundys’ self-defense claim is nonsense and not allowed under recognized legal precedent. Prosecutors are asking the judge to bar the Bundys and Payne from arguing before the jury that the BLM provoked them into violence.

The mere presence of officers enforcing a legal court order, the government argues, is not justification for a violent confrontation, even if they include snipers. “Whatever the term ‘sniper’ means to the defendants—it reduces to this: cops have guns and have specialized training, each of which is allowed,” the government’s motion says. “The government has no evidence, none, that snipers, or any other federal officer, used any force -- let alone excessive force -- against the defendants or anyone else. Neither do the defendants.”

That's a pretty good point. Problem is, the prosecution would have been in a much stronger position if they'd made it from the start instead of withholding all that evidence from the defense team and giving them an excuse to claim government perfidy.

As we say, go read the whole Mother Jones piece for more details of how badly the prosecution mismanaged what should have been a fairly straightforward case. The mistrial is yet another fuckup for the feds, who have so far failed to get significant convictions against the Bundys in either the Nevada standoff or the 2016 takeover of the Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon. A few of the minor players have taken guilty pleas, and others have been convicted on some charges, but juries have also ended up letting many of the gunmen and other assorted crazies walk.

Ryan Bundy, who's gone full-on sovereign citizen and believes he is subject only to God, not mere human law, was of course jubilant about the mistrial, since it proves God is on his family's side. He told reporters yesterday that his family's fight against the federal government is nothing less than the fulfillment of the "white horse prophecy," a bit of Mormon religious ephemera holding that Joseph Smith supposedly prophesied that Mormons would rescue the US Constitution -- which of course was inspired by God -- from some unspecified future crisis. Then everyone gets free guns and extra wives, we assume.

The Washington Post dutifully notes,

The LDS church has continually condemned the actions of the Bundy family and says that the white horse prophecy is not accepted doctrine and more akin to conspiracy theory.

But on Wednesday, Ryan Bundy spoke of the prophecy as truth: “Joseph Smith prophesied that the Constitution would at some point hang as if it were by a thread,” he said. “Put it this way: Whether the church calls it doctrine or not, we’ve got quotes from several prophets reiterating that. . . . I take the words of the prophets both modern and previous ones seriously.”

Guess we'd just better get used to the Bundys doing whatever they damn well please. They're on a mission from God.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. God has ordained that you will click here to send us money. Hop to it, sinners.

[Mother Jones / WaPo]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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