Gonzales' Top Gal's Web Secrets Revealed!

From dummy Christian college girl to national criminal in just eight years! - WonketteMonica Goodling resigned as Gonzales' top counsel on Friday after pleading the Fifth before Congress, but she's still being investigated and will surely be tortured on C|SPAN for bravely breaking a thousand laws at the Justice Department.

What do we know about this latest human sacrifice by the Bush Administration? Well, she went to Pat Robertson's college, so she's a Jesus-freak nutbag. And she worked on Dubya's opposition-research hit squad in 2000. Oh, and she put up some remarkably crappy personal web pages in 1999.

Let's all laugh together, after the jump.

Let's start with the "home page." It's got all the beloved features of a 1999 home page: a banal personal statement, posed "casual" photograph and a few links.

Where do the links go? The intriguingly-titled "Family Addictions" is ultimately a disappointment -- an aunt enjoys chocolate, etc. -- although it does reveal a few dark family secrets:

* Her dad went crazy in 'Nam, and years later he abandoned his whole family to rejoin the military.

* For his piloting skills, he won a "metal" of valor.

* Her mother eventually remarried, and the stepfather is a glutton.

There's a "Friends" page, too, where we learn a little about life at "Messiah College" in a dorm called (of course) "the Whitehouse." Also:

* One of her friends immediately went to work for Merck, while another apparently got married and had a child before even finishing school.

* There was a wild "togo" party.

* Boys and girls apparently spent unchaperoned hours together ... even at night!

* "Quick memories include: talking to Greg in the basement of Fry in a fluffy green Victoria [sic] Secret bathrobe with my dripping hair up in a pink turben [sic] at midnight."

* But it wasn't always fun and games with the boys, as Monica darkly hints at "several kidnapping experiences that are best forgotten."

What can we learn from her "Political Sites" links page?

* Above links for CNN, AllPolitics.com and USA Today is this title: "A little news from the left."

* Under "A little analysis from the right," there are links to the Heritage Foundation, Neopolitique, Washington Times National Weekly Edition, Family Resource Council, National Review, The Federalist Society and Town Hall. Notice something about that list? Yep, no conservative blogs. There were no liberal blogs, either. They didn't exist, none of them. 1999 seems more and more like an impossible dream of paradise.

* Oh yeah, she tops this page with a John Ashcroft quote. Good god .... (UPDATE: She misspelled that, too. It reads "John Ascroft.")

Monica also posted an essay she wrote about helping the poor children. Some highlights:

* "For centuries it has been known that the greatest duty of being a parent is to raise the child. And yet, study after study shows that millions of America's children are neglected every day. The reason for this failure to act must be due to a change in parents' philosophies. It is there, in their innermost parts, that the devaluation of their children begins."

* Female children of divorced parents "are more often sexually active, more likely to contract venereal diseases, and have children out of wedlock."

* "However, if Dan Quayle really was correct, then why would so many women be willing to give birth to a child absent marriage? For many, babies are a ticket to independence, a ticket sponsored by public assistance programs."

Monica M. Goodling Homepage [Web Archive]

MONICA M. GOODLING Resume [Web Archive]

Top Gonzales Aide Resigns After Refusing to Testify [Hispanic Business]


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