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Good Christian Wingnuts Furious Obama Forced Google To Honor Some Brown Dude Instead of Jesus

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It's been at least three seconds since the crackpots cooked up a good conspiracy theory about Obama Hitler Kenya Muslims Socialism Something Something BENGHAZIIIII!!!!!, so we are all very relieved that the Easter Bunny brought usthis shiny new bauble of crazy:


On Easter Sunday, Google is honoring the birthday of the late labor organizer Cesar Chavez by placing a Chavez portrait within the middle “o” of the Google logo that appears on the homepage of the popular search engine.

While Google frequently decorates its logo to celebrate various holidays and special events, it is unclear why the company chose specifically to honor Chavez’s birthday, instead of Easter Sunday.

Why yes, it sure is "unclear" why Google would honor Chavez's birthday ON HIS BIRTHDAY. But when in doubt, blame President Obama because he "released a statement in 2011 proclaiming March 31 'Cesar Chavez Day.'" Obviously, this was part of a two-year plan to force Google to honor some brown dude instead of Jesus. OBVIOUSLY. Just look at this air-tight argument from the keen investigative minds at The Daily Caller:

Google CEO Eric Schmidt was an informal adviser to both of President Obama’s presidential campaigns, a member of the Obama White House transition team in 2009 and a onetime prospect for an Obama Cabinet post during the president’s second term.

Do you get it now? Case closed. But wait! It gets even worse than that when you realize that actually, this was all a plot to honor Hugo Chavez, who is a different brown dude with the same last name and also from a different country, but whatev, all those Chavezes look the same to us:

It didn't help that conservative Twitter watchdogs Twitchy, led by Michelle Malkin, misidentified the Google doodle in question as Hugo.

Shut up, you guys, anyone could have confused labor leader and civil rights activist Cesar Chavez with the late Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. It's not like Michelle Malkin is A Idiot.

The real story -- as any crazed uncle with dial-up and an AOL account and a twitchy "forward" finger can clearly see -- is that Obama and The Google conspired to war on Easter and piss on the grave of American Jesus by honoring the birthday of an evil Mexican Venezuelan socialist who cared about the poors, which clearly goes against everything Jesus actually cared about. After all, that's why Jesus drove the moneylenders from the Temple and into mortgage-backed securities, because the housing market was a sure thing, and blessed are the rich because they are better than all of us combined. And that is why Obama sucks and also Google sucks, and everyone should use Ask Jeeves now for all their Googling needs. Amen.

[Daily Caller]

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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