Good Morning, Paul Manafort! You Are In Jail!
Oh what a beautiful mooooooorning, oh what a beautiful day! I've got a wonderful feeeeeeeeeeeeling, ROBERT MUELLER IS FUCKIN' PAUL MANAFORT'S SHIT UP RIGHT NOW!
(And also his sidekick buddy Rick Gates!)
Tell us, Washington Post, about how much trouble Manafort and Gates are in:
Former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort and his longtime business partner Rick Gates have been charged in a 12-count indictment with conspiracy against the United States, conspiracy to launder money and making false statements.
CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE UNITED STATES! Now, maybe we are just dumb, but is that part of the #MAGA message? We are just asking.
More from the indictment:
Paul J. Manafort, Jr., 68, of Alexandria, Va., and Richard W. Gates III, 45, of Richmond, Va., have been indicted by a federal grand jury on Oct. 27, 2017, in the District of Columbia. The indictment contains 12 counts: conspiracy against the United States, conspiracy to launder money, unregistered agent of a foreign principal, false and misleading FARA statements, false statements, and seven counts of failure to file reports of foreign bank and financial accounts.
Manafort and Gates surrendered to the FBI on Monday morning. (By the way, if Gates's name is unfamiliar to you, that's OK because he's not in the news that much. He was Manafort's "deputy," though, and way back when Manafort was quit-fired from the Trump campaign, it was reported he was part of Manafort's alleged illegal lobbying schemes for Ukraine. Read more about him, and about how he's definitely been a presence in Trump's White House, by clicking here!)
Let's go to the White House for a reaction:
Snortin' the good stuff this morning, aren't ya, Mr. President!
Here's a Trump-adjacent idiot, explaining what this news means:
Um, Manafort and his little buddy doing CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE UNITED STATES working for a pro-Russian Ukrainian political party (the Party Of Regions), secretly receiving $75 million for their services, and Manafort personally laundering $18 million of that money according to the indictment doesn't seem like a "red herring" to us, so take your David S. Pumpkins "ANY QUESTIONS?" and cram it, Trump Idiot. (Seriously, read the indictment! It is wow! It says this scheme has been going on for TEN YEARS.)
The official White House line seems to be that this has nothing to do with the White House, and also who is this Paula Mansfield you are talking about? Indeed the White House has been acting like Manafort was some minor nobody in the campaign for some time now. A few reminders from former Justice Department official Matthew Miller:
UPDATE: Right on cue!
And hey, maybe Trump can get away with it for a minute, because none of these indictments specifically relate to the Trump campaign. Perhaps Mueller is using this to pressure Manafort to flip on Trump. There's also talk that Mueller may have been up against a statute of limitations issue with these indictments, which could be why they came out now. So there could be more indictments against Manafort, and there will probably be many more for many other people. Robert Mueller doesn't just put all the presents under the tree like a common Santa Claus.
Wonkette has been reporting on Paul Manafort's weird Russian Ukrainian financial money laundering for a long time, and quite frankly, it's vast and confusing and will break your brain. If you'd like to brush up on what a crimer Manafort (allegedly!) is, here are some headlines, to send you into a Wonkette Rabbit Hole Deep Dive:
- Uh Oh, Paul Manafort, Where’s Your God NOW?
- WTF, Was Paul Manafort Spying ON THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN For Russia? WE HAVE NO IDEA
- Robert Mueller To Paul Manafort: Knock Knock, Motherfucker!
- Paul Manafort Suddenly Remembers He’s A Foreign Agent For ‘Not America’
- Hey Look, A Bunch Of Fucked Up Paul Manafort News!
- Trump Goon Paul Manafort Made $10 MILLION A YEAR To ‘Benefit Putin.’ Totally Normal!
- Did Trump Campaign Manager Paul Manafort Get Buttloads Of Money From Ukrainian Dictator? Maybe?
Happy reading! And happy Mueller Time!
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