GOP Banking On America's Furryphobia

1998 called, it wants its Web design back

That tiny picture lost in a sea of shitty Web design above is Pander Bear, the Republicans' latest sinister weapon in the battle to stop Hillary Clinton. They're forcing some poor underpaid sap to don a panda suit and harass the senator at various events. The joke is that she's willing to "pander" for votes ... get it? Because panda sounds like pander, and that's a pun, and Americans love puns and pandas and hate Hillary.

Americans also hate furries, as Tom Vilsack discovered when he tried to become the first furry president, so this all may backfire when people find out that Pander Bear is a GOP operative. The Republicans will have to spread rumors that he's following Hillary around because he loves her and then after her speeches Hillary dresses up like Sailor Moon and then they have sex.

As a historical note, the first person to apply the phrase "pander bear" to a Clinton was world-beater Paul Tsongas, who gave the moniker to Bill during the Democratic primary race in 1992. Only he had a heavy New England accent, so it's possible that he was just confused and actually thought that the future president was a panda bear.

Hillary Clinton, a "Pander Bear's" Best Friend...? [WP]


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