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GOP Freshman Crybabies Want Their Chance To Throw Meaningless Hissyfit About Obamacare Too

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What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over -- and over and over and over and OMG,again???? -- and over and expecting different results? In that case, it's time to bring in the nice men with the strong meds for Republicans in Congress who think that the fortieth time's the charm:


At a Wednesday panel organized by the Heritage Foundation, conservative Republicans lamented that it’s been too long since they had the opportunity to vote to wipe out the Affordable Care Act in its entirety — and that the newest members haven’t had the chance yet.

Um ... seriously? Let's hop into our DeLorean and set the clock for, oh, say, last month:

At this point, some of you may be wondering, "Exactly how many Obamacare repeal votes are we up to now?" By one estimate, the new total is 39 times.

Ted Cruz pushed a nearly identical measure a week ago, and according to the Washington Post, that was repeal vote #35. Earlier this week, the House voted on a Republican Study Committee budget plan that eliminates the entirety of the Affordable Care Act, which was #36. Yesterday, House Republicans voted for Paul Ryan's budget plan, which also eliminates most of the health care law (#37), and then last night, Senate Republicans voted on the same plan (#38).

That makes this morning's Senate vote the 39th time congressional Republicans have voted to repeal the Affordable Care Act, in whole or in part, just over the last two years.

Really, fellas, this is getting embarrassing. And that's saying a lot, considering that "Hells yeah, we love embarrassing ourselves!" is sort of the party motto. But hot damn, Republicans, how many times do your asses need to get kicked for you to get the message here? We understand trying again after one failed vote, maybe two, even three. But after the Supreme Court justices -- even the justices from the Red Team (that's YOUR team, fools) -- were all, like, "Nah, you guys, this shit's solid, suck it up," maybe it was time to let it go? But no, that was just the stick poking the bear, apparently, because the whole damn slate of Republican presidential wannabes ran on a platform of "Obama sucks, Obamacare sucks, and did we mention Obama sucks?" And you know what happened? Voters went to the polls in November and said, "Actually, YOU suck. Now STFU." And you lost! Since you are slooooooooooooow learners, let us repeat that for you: YOU. LOST.

Still unclear? Here, here is Weeper of the House John Boehner (also from the Red Team, fools), spelling it out for you right after the election, with nice little words even you should be able to comprehend:

It's pretty clear that the president was reelected, Obamacare is the law of the land.

So a few dozen failed votes, a smack down from the highest court in the land, and a steaming cup of electoral STFU from the voters, plus Boehner admitting defeat ... And what do the newest Republicans in Congress have to say for themselves?

Rep. Mick Mulvaney (R-SC) urged leadership to hold a repeal vote so freshman members can serve up the same anti-Obamacare talking points for their conservative constituents that more senior Republicans enjoy.

“If you’re a freshman — the guys who’ve been up here the last year, we can go home and say listen, we voted 36 different times to repeal or replace Obamacare. Tell me what the new guys are supposed to say,” he said. “We haven’t had a repeal or replace vote this year.”

“We have not had a chance as freshmen to do that,” said first-term Rep. Trey Radel (R-FL). “Even if it’s just symbolic — and even if we understand that process-wise we are not going to be able to say, okay we want repeal, it’s done, and it’s over. But this is the issue that so many people around the country who love the Republican Party are frustrated with.”

Ohhhh. Well, it all makes perfect sense now. It's not about results; it's about being able to brag to their constituents that they tried real hard to do something in Congress and failed miserably because that is somehow a winning argument to voters? We don't know. We are confused by much of the Republican idiocy that passes for "strategy." But Republicans are also confused, so now, according to Buzzfeed, they are going to fight amongst themselves for a while about the best way to stick it to Obama and America:

Three years after Obamacare was signed into law, Republicans on Capitol Hill are locked in an unusually bitter intraparty fight over whether to fix what they see as problems with the law, or to insist only on the unlikely dream of fully repealing the health care law.

The breach became painfully visible to conservative insiders on a private listserv this week when a top aide to Senator Ted Cruz exchanged a series of terse and combative emails — obtained by BuzzFeed — over House Majority Leader Eric Cantor's attempt to change the law's treatment of patients with pre-existing conditions. [...]

On one side are conservative groups like Americans for Tax Reform, pushing hard for the legislation; while on the other Sen. Ted Cruz' top staffer, the group Heritage Action and others insisted Republicans stay with a simple message: "kill the bill."

We don't even know whom to root for in this GOP edition of Hunger Games -- the crazy side or the really crazy side -- because they are all crazy and dumb and holy god, we just cannot believe that trying to repeal Obamacare is STILL A THING, but then, this is the Republican Party we are laughing about, and oh look, here comes those nice men with the strong meds now ...

[TPM / Buzzfeed]

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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