GOP Not Ready To Abandon Grand Strategy Of Achieving Success By Throwing Tantrums
All good Wonkiputians are aware that the GOP has spent five years branding itself as “The Party of No.” Since that hasn’t worked to stop the horror of gay people getting married or the communist tyranny of citizens having access to health insurance, the Republicans are now trying out a new slogan: The Party of We Don’t Wanna!
First up, the homos and their insatiable quest to destroy straight marriage. Sometime this week the world will find out if the U.S. America’s highest court has decided to wave the white flag and surrender to the homosexual agenda. But a dedicated fifth column of conservatives will continue to fight on by doing, uh, something:
In a letter released Thursday, more than 200 conservative activists -- ranging from the Catholic League’s Bill Donohue to Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern (R) -- vowed to ignore any ruling in favor of same-sex couples. The group of endorsers, signing under the moniker of Freedom Federation, is composed of anti-LGBT Christian conservatives[.]
Herpa derp derp, freedom! Yes, despite polls showing that a slim majority of Americans now favor allowing gays to marry, despite a recent election in which the people voted in favor of the Kenyan Muslim Gay Marriage Lover (or more accurately, the Kenyan Muslim Gay Marriage Yeah Whatever I’m Cool With It I Guess dude), the brave patriots of the Freedom Federation want you to know that they will resist this thing, somehow. Of course since religious institutions will not be forced to allow gay weddings in their churches and clergy will not be forced to perform gay marriage ceremonies and really nothing will change except the wedding-industrial complex will gain a metric fuck-ton of new customers (SCOTUS = jerb creators!), we are unclear on what this resistance will consist of. As best we can figure, Bill Donohue and Mike Huckabee and the other signers of this document will keep telling us how before they really, really hated gay marriage, now they really, really, really hate it? But yes, they will ignore it. And we will ignore them ignoring it, we guess.
The Party of We Don’t Wanna™ also wants you to know that in the case of Obamacare, having failed to prevent the bill’s passage by a majority vote in both chambers of our national legislature or the president signing it into law and then being soundly re-elected or SCOTUS upholding the law’s constitutionality, the strategy now is to tell constituents with questions about how to navigate the law’s implementation to get fucked:
Some Republicans indicated to The Hill they will not assist constituents in navigating the law and obtaining benefits. Others said they would tell people to call the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).
"Given that we come from Kansas, it's much easier to say, 'Call your former governor,'" said Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R), referring to HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius.
"You say, 'She's the one. She's responsible. She was your governor, elected twice, and now you reelected the president, but he picked her.'" Huelskamp said.
"We know how to forward a phone call," said Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah).
"I have two dedicated staff who deal with nothing, but ObamaCare and immigration problems," he added. "I'm sure there will be an uptick in that, but all we can do is pass them back to the Obama administration. The ball's in their court. They're responsible for it."
Yr Wonkette often snarks about Congress being full of useless dicks, but this is taking useless dick-itude to a whole new level. Now that Obamacare is going into effect, the GOP is so convinced it will collapse that elected representatives are now throwing their constituents to the wolves of our already Kafka-esque nightmare of a health care system for an indefinite number of years, because Obama. And because they are useless dicks.
We blame Obama.