While we're a long way from figuring out who to bring into the Wonkette fold (huh-huh) out of the literally tens of people who applied, we are very pleased with the Wonkette readership's poetic stylings. You people really know how to work a penis reference into anything! (The help wanted post didn't say "Must be a screaming queen," but you'd never know that from the submissions. . .) Other favorite images: the Tipper kiss, Florida, the beard, and Al's current, more cuddly physique.

NOTE: We decided to treat the 5-7-5 rule like the Geneva Convention. . . Sort of a guideline, not something that would stop you from shoving, uhm, extra syllables into something.

Some initial favorites:

Tall and strong like oak,

Fought for the keys to the House.

Killed by butterflies. --S.K.

If I land in that

"little-known third category"

Can I get fat too? --E.H.

Long dark hard mystery

Tennessee Man

Open your "lock box" for me --C.J.

Like a creaking limb

His once bearded voice calms me

Sonorous Al Gore.

Gremlins attack him

Flailing his arms, they scatter

Al Gore's victory. -- S.W.

An Al Gore Haiku: Lowest Common Denominator Edition

An Al Gore haiku?

This is much easier than

Sexual favors

An Al Gore Haiku: Look, I Can Be Just as Base and Sordid as Ana Edition

An Al Gore haiku?

I'd rather make jokes about

Ass-fucking and whores

An Al Gore Haiku: I'm Proud to Be an American Edition

An Al Gore haiku?

Not very patriotic

Go back to Japan. --T.