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Gossip Roundup: I Wanna Get Drunk With You

· What nefarious purpose could CBS have for buying photos of Jenna Bush from the tabs? We hope it's something about drugs. Or sex. Kerry: A hero with an enemies list? " During Kerry's 1972 bid for Congress, his younger brother, Cameron Kerry, was arrested for 'breaking into . . . the headquarters of a Kerry opponent.'" [NYP and NYP]


· Nancy Reagan was totally creeped out by the Clintons (who isn't?); there's an artist (an actual artist!) who's a Republican (an actual Republican!); Drudge refuses free publicity on "The West Wing," takes the Judy Dean route: "I will not be a prop in Aaron Sorkin's fantasy White House." [NYDN]

· Windmills don’t kill birds. Windows kill birds. Media Training Worldwide has updated its "crisis-communication tips" for official spokesmen and spokeswomen in Washington: "If you are wearing a wireless microphone, take it off immediately after your speech, especially if you are about to go to the bathroom." Joe Lieberman wasn't even popular as a drink (vanilla vodka, Bailey's Irish cream, decaffeinated coffee); Bob Dole will be flacking for Indonesia. [WT]

· White House gets fussy about the lawn, tells reporters No more "large camp-style folding chairs" and "All of this is a more serious problem than you might imagine." Nancy Pelosi wants to shrink her babies! Politicians get stopped by airport security! You can buy John Kerry's prep school band's record! Eek! [WP]

· More on the Lieberman drink, the other candidate's drinks don't sound much better: Dean’s Scream (vanilla vodka, rum and coconut purée), Wild Wild Wes (Chivas Royal Salute and clove orange). Even worse? What the Four Seasons is calling the stung: a cocktail "straw poll." There's also a mention of a certain "Wonkette.com blog." [The Hill]

· Rep. Joel Hefley (R-Colo) makes a funny about ricin (smart!); more about the fucking presidential mixed drinks -- and, hey, the Ritz-Carlton is in on it too! Edwards Southern Coolout is "vodka, gin, rum and Southern Comfort mixed with sour mix, orange juice and grenadine." (Yuck.) And the Deantini? Don't ask. [Roll Call]

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