GovSex: Touching It with a Ten-Foot Pole

Finally! Rick Perry has said something about those awful rumors regarding gubernatorial gerbil stuffing. The Austin American-Statesman is the first major-ish news organization to run a story on the subject. The occasion is, of course, the Texas governor's emphatic -- extremely emphatic -- denial of rumors he described as


"a cancer on the political process that is deadly"

"not correct in any shape, form or fashion"

"irresponsible"

"salacious"

"hurtful to my family"

"uncorroborated filth"

"malicious and hurtful"

"crossing the line of everything decent."

In declaring the really, really, really not-true nature of the rumors, Perry declined to address the substance of the story. Instead, he emphasized what can only be called his raging heterosexuality: "I have probably got about as good a marriage as anybody's ever had. This is the first girl I ever had a date with in my life. We dated for 16 years and we married and we started a family, and Anita has been about as perfect a wife as anybody could ever ask for," he said, all but pantomiming an enthusiastic session of God-approved man-on-woman sex. He continued, saying his completely unambiguous straightness has aided him in standing up to this attack as well: "I'm a big, tough guy. . . This is like a bombing mission for me. The missiles come up on a regular basis. I know they're going to come up."

Perry then blushed a bit and quickly excused himself, mumbling, "Missiles. Hot, throbbing missiles."

Governor speaks out on marital rumors [Austin American-Statesman]

Instantaneous Scandal-Mongering: GovSex [Wonkette]

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc