Gratuitous Celebrations of Jesus

For most Americans, Christmas is that special time when you gather your remaining pennies, find your way to the local 7-Eleven to finish your Christmas shopping and pray that, when you return home, the Baby Jesus left a job/house/car under your tree. But if you live in Washington, D.C. -- a city that was just proclaimed to be wealthiest and most educated in the nation -- there's nothing like Christmas! It's been Christmas since Halloween, but now it's really actually almost Christmas. So go out and spend money, D.C., yes?

How to spend Christmas in D.C.:

  • Food: Plenty of restaurants will be open on Christmas Eve, and Potenza, Bibiana and Dino will all be serving the Feast of the Seven Fishes. Cork will be offering their regular menu and both Bar Pilar and St. Ex will be open for drinks only, just like Santa would want, on Christmas Eve. [Potenza/Bibiana/Dino/Cork/Bar Pilar/St. Ex]
  • Christmas Trees: Last week, Obama proved he loves the baby Jesus by flipping the switch on the National Christmas Tree. The tree will be "lit" until January 1 and, in the name of bi-partisanship, the Capitol has its own tree, which will also be lit/turned on until the 1st. For some non-denominational lights, check out ZooLights at the National Zoo. [National Christmas Tree/Capitol Christmas Tree/ZooLights]
  • Gingerbread Houses: To some, a gingerbread house is a harsh reminder of the home they no longer have, but for others, it's just icing and candy and graham crackers. Poste is hosting their 5th Annual Gingerbread Contest now though the 24th of December, Cork Market is hosting a gingerbread house decorating party this Sunday, and, in the spirit of gluttony and excess, at Mount Vernon you can view a five-foot-wide gingerbread replica of the Mansion. [Poste/Cork Market/Mount Vernon]
  • Holiday Music: Your holiday music options include seeing Handel’s opera about the president’s fabled birth in the Persian town of Kenya, Hawaii, at the Kennedy Center, gay men in tights performing The Nutcracker at Lisner Auditorium, and some good old fashioned holiday lobbying at the Willard InterContinental Hotel. [Kennedy Center, GW Lisner Auditorium, Willard InterContinental]

Fret not, Jews: Jesus was part of the tribe, so he always makes sure that there are plenty of things for Jews to do on Christmas:

  • Matzo Ball: Make sure you're up-to-date on your shots before attending this Holiday orgy at Eden Lounge on Christmas Eve. Special prize if you manage to pick up a non-Jew at the event. [Matzo Ball]
  • Falafel Frenzy Party: If the only way you can be compelled to spend the evening with Jews is if it benefits the needy, head to the Falafel Frenzy at Local 16. 100% of the proceeds from the ticket sales, and 10% of the bar sales, will go to local food programs. [Falafel Frenzy Party]
  • Oy Vey in a Manger: Should you need your fill of Jewish shtick this Christmas, head to Theater J for "Oy Vey in a Manger," a play performed by (of course) a Dragapella Beauty-Shop Quartet . [Theater J]
  • Chinese Food and Movie: On Christmas Day, all good Jews participate in the Torah'd tradition of watching movies and eating Chinese food. The Washington Post has a nice breakdown of holiday films and, for Chinese food, we recommended the Great Wall Szechuan House on 14th Street. [WP/Great Wall Szechuan House]

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc