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CSPAN screenshot viaOliver Willis


America's sweetheart, John Boehner, vanquished his enemies on Tuesday afternoon, retaining his cartoonishly oversized gavel and kicking off another two years of publicly losing control of his caucus.

In addition to avoiding Steve Scalise whenever there's a camera around, Boehner will have to contend with an increasingly restive tea party faction that has been pushed to the brink by Boehner's traitorous reluctance to shut down the government over policy squabbles with President Obama.

There were 25 Republican votes against Boehner, including three for the head of the failed insurrection, Louie Gohmert, one for Sen. Rand Paul, and one for former Secretary of State Colin Powell.  Those 25 included Dave Brat, the Virginia Republican who came from nowhere to knock off Eric Cantor in his primary and create a hole in the House GOP leadership, making it all Brat's fault that anyone cares what Steve Scalise did in 2002. Brat is the root cause of most of Boehner's heartburn going into the 114th Congress, making his gesture in voting for back-bench congressman Jeff Duncan over Boehner all the more meaningful.

But let us not think of these things today. This is a day of celebration! We wish you the best of luck in your next term, Speaker Boehner. We knew you'd pull through. We just have to go delete our GOHMERT DEFEATS BOEHNER posts before they accidentally go live.

Molotov!

You can follow Beth on Twitter.

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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