Gridiron Dinner: Secret, Off-the-Record, Boring

A Wonkette operative reports on this weekend's Gridiron dinner, which, frankly, sounds a lot like "Eyes Wide Shut" -- costumes, homoeroticism, five hours long.... -- but more dull.

Besides having to dress like corn, what's the attraction of the Gridiron again? It doesn't allow bloggers, is that it? Are there not enough places in DC where old white men can giggle like schoolgirls over naughty jokes? We thought that was Congress. Whatever. We would never belong to a club that wouldn't have us as a member. Or something.

Condi looked like Queen Amidala in her bizarre red cape getup. But given the untrammeled frumpiness of the room's inhabitants, she may as well have been Halle Berry on Oscar night. Ladies of Washington: foundation garments.

Bush laughed when one of the skits onstage had Rove calling him "dim." The "Rove" character had on bright yellow wig and a lab coat. No shit.

In the show, octogenarians dressed as Vegas showgirls and baseball players. The younger members of the Gridiron (those nearing retirement age) were dressed as ears of corn and a bear. Yes, it's tradition, but they should rethink this.

Helen Thomas performed in the roles she was born to play: as both Theresa Hines Kerry and Laura Bush. But not at the same time.

Recollections continue after the jump.

Chuck Hagel gave a speech that revealed a paranoiac obsession with Maureen Dowd. Apparently only Nebraskans still read her column. [Not this one! -- Wonkette] Bill Richardson also spoke, and mariachi music was played. They are both running for president. This was about five hours into the dinner.

When Bush finally got up to speak, hours later, his first words were, "Good Morning." He offered the evening's 47th joke about Bob Shrum (don't these speechwriters coordinate better?) making Shrum, in his ignominy, the most talked-about person at the dinner. It was weird. Was it intentional? People still talk about Shrum? [We also hear he made his 213th joke about admitting (or not) to mistakes. Does Dickerson get royalties? -- Wonkette]

Also sighted: Kerry spokesman David Wade, Ron Fournier hotly pursuing Lucianne Goldberg at the early reception, Colin Powell accessorizing his white tie and tails with a sporty red Nationals cap, tiny Mayor Bloomberg yukking it up with tiny Judy Woodruff. Alan Greenspan, also tiny. Dan Glickman already looks kind of "Hollywood." Nicole Devenish: sorry, but she does look like Tatum O'Neil. Deal with it, girlie.


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