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This is going to be the most exciting group of old people to visit Boca Raton and bitch about the young people since probably yesterday! Let's get our festive Florida beverages ready to consume and watch the five surviving Republicans pander to the elderly for 90 minutes. Old people are the future!


8:55 PM -- But we should note that there are young people here, too. That's why this college is here, right?

8:56 PM -- Keith Olbermann loves nights like this. Because he gets, you know, some viewers for his show.

8:59 PM -- Chuck Todd is talking about the talk radio. Good-bye, Chuck, it's time to get busy with Boca Ra-TONE.

9:00 PM -- So Florida is pretty important, right? That's what these newscasters always say, but do they have any examples?

9:02 PM -- Just 90 minutes tonight because the audience needs to go to bed pretty early.

9:02 PM -- Hey, Brian Williams must be reading our Wonkette operative's request that the Main Stream Media be nice to the volunteers.

9:03 PM -- First question for Mitt: How quickly can the government give the money to everybody? (This will be pretty much every question until Election Day.)

9:04 PM -- Mitt just sort of insinuated that the most important thing in the world may not be sending checks to every American. Mitt, that's a losin'!

9:05 PM -- McCain will vote for this Congressional/White House stimulus plan, because this guy will vote for any big-government thing. Actually, he'll vote for anything. He's a maverick! He'd vote to put a statue of Malcolm X on the White House lawn if it helped him stay in office.

9:06 PM -- Giuliani will also support the emergency stimulus package. Nobody is going to go against propping up the economy and giving actual cash dollars to people.

9:09 PM -- We've all heard that McCain quote where he says he doesn't understand the economy because he only understands bombing shit with taxpayer dollars.

9:10 PM -- So, of course, McCain immediately lies and acts like the quote isn't real. Can somebody dig up that quote real quick?

9:11 PM -- Mike Huckabee doesn't want us using our Government Checks on Chinese crap. Uh, what are we going to buy instead?

9:12 PM -- Huckabee wants us to use that money to, uh, buy an extra three lanes of I-95. Wrong answer, FDR! The answer is "I will send every voter money."

9:13 PM -- Have you heard? Mitt Romney was apparently the president of the liberal state, Massachusetts.

9:14 PM -- WHOA. Did you SEE that? His programming just had a glitch and he kept repeating the same phrase. Wow, he really is a space robot.

9:15 PM -- McCain is still complaining about Ted Stevens' "Bridge to Nowhere" in Alaska. When you're talking to old people on pensions and social security who want shit given to them all the time, you are not winning by arguing against federal spending.

9:16 PM -- Oh hell yeah, Ron Paul isn't going with this Communist Economic Stimulus plan.

9:17 PM -- Dr. Paul is talking to cranky libertarian investors again.

9:18 PM -- Very inspiring. Back to the Gold Bug Newsletters, Dr. Paul.

9:20 PM -- Fourth Place Rudy: "Remember when I told those Arabs to fuck off? I'll take money from them, but now and then I do a publicity stunt and tell the Arabs to fuck off."

9:21 PM -- Rudy wants to sell oil to Saudi Arabia. Wait, what?

9:22 PM -- UGH. Stop that rat-face fucking smile, Rudy!

9:24 PM -- Mike Huckabee: "I was like the only guy at the U.N. without a headset." This is one of those "You might be a redneck" jokes, right?

9:25 PM -- Mitt Romney doesn't want to run on the "Corrupt GOP Losers Who Ruined The Economy" record.

9:26 PM -- Hey, the Republicans are the party of change! So they just need to, you know, change completely from what they are: the party that holds the White House.

9:27 PM -- Rudy fixed the NYC economy by killing those squeegee men!

9:28 PM -- Do you pay taxes? Then you know who your best friend is: Dr. Ron Paul.

9:29 PM -- Let's have the local newspaper loser ask some questions ... but let's not turn on his mic!

9:29 PM -- Is that Governor Charlie Crist next to the local newspaper guy? Is Charlie Crist COMPLETELY ORANGE?

9:30 PM -- Ha ha, McCain thinks "nobody complains about" U.S. military bases all over the world. Has he actually been anywhere outside of, say, Vietnam?

9:31 PM -- Whoops, we're over 100 comments and jumping off the post page. Let's start a new one.

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