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Guy Auctions Himself Off to Embarrass Romney in Public

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A man named Ron D. of Loudon, Tennessee recently put up an auction on eBay that offered his services to anyone looking to embarrass Mitt Romney (FREE SHIPPING). The blonde-dreadlocked man is currently underemployed, delivering pizzas, so he could use some money. He doesn't really have any past dealings with Romney; he just isn't a fan ("I wouldn't vote for him if he was running for whorehouse pooper mopper"). He's making himself available to any campaign or super PAC or other entity that needs him (though, why buy Ron when you can embarrass Romney for free?), and says the exact terms of the agreement aren't fixed. "The possibilities are endless," he says. "As long as it isn't against the law, I'll do or say whatever you want until someone comes and drags me away. And it will take a few of them. I'm a biggun."


The Awl's Abe Sauer spoke to Mr. D. further, to find out why his auction is specifically targeted at Romney, not to mention how he got to a point in his life where he is now auctioning himself off on eBay. Ron said that before he lost his job, he maintained golf courses. "I'm Joe The Plumber's cousin, Joe The Greenskeeper," he says. "I guess when people had to choose between golfing and surviving, they sold their clubs."

As for his beef with Romney:

I chose Romney because he's made millions at the expense of others. The way Bain operated was to take over a company already struggling, pay each other HUGE management fees, consulting fees, and bonuses, knowing all along the plan was to run up the bills, bankrupt it all, and move on. Not only was he costing people their jobs, he was screwing the government on the bankruptcy deal.

The man has a point. That isn't to say he likes any of the other politicians currently on offer. "I did not vote for The ObamaLamaDing-Dong," he explains. "He's a nice guy, and I find him sincere, but not right for America at the time, nor is he now. I'm tired of voting AGAINST someone. I want a candidate that I can vote FOR."

Sing it. Unfortunately, eBay disagreed with the nature of the auction and pulled the listing after a day. But Ron's offer still stands. His e-mail address is, perhaps not surprisingly, rollingstoned (at) bellsouth (dot) net, if you should need him. [The Awl]

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