John Yoo is BACK Y'ALL. The man who wrote Justice Department memos authorizing George W. Bush to use torture -- including that there was nothing cruel or unusual aboutcrushing your child's testicles in front of you to induce you to have a nice chat -- thinks there are an awful lot of reasons the GOP shouldn't consent to anyone Barack Obama might nominate to fill the late lamented shit-sack Antonin Scalia's seat on the Supreme Court. He has been all over our airwaves, from "Newsmax TV" to "Fox Business," repeating many talking points that are definitely intelligent and well-thought-out and not at all GO FUCK YOURSELF JOHN YOO.


First up, Newsmax TV! Tell us some stuff about the Constitution, John Yoo, and how Barack Obama GRRRR HATES IT SO MUCH! "Barack Obama seems to think the Constitution is just some obstacle to be gotten over on his way to some progressive paradise." Is that the Constitution that bars cruel and unusual punishment, like crushing a child's testicles in front of his parents? No, there is no Constitution that says that. Instead, Barack Obama is shitting all over a Constitution that says he can't do Obamacare, we guess, except that a Republican court says that he can. Sad John Yoo!

Meanwhile, Newsmax TV host Steve Malzberg would like to know: Trump says George W. Bush did not keep us safe, but in fact did George W. Bush keep us safe?

"You were responsible for writing many of the rules that did keep us safe, and I'd like to thank you for that," says Steve Malzberg, to John Yoo. Like rules that kept us safe from not having our child's testicles crushed in front of us? Yes, the Yoo rules keep us safe from not having that.

John Yoo has an answer for Steve Malzberg! Say some words, John Yoo! "I was disappointed to hear Donald Trump patronize these kooky conspiracy theories" that George W. Bush was president on 9/11. True, John Yoo. Bill Clinton was president on 9/11, and Barack Obama was president when the housing market crashed. It's new math!

Let's move on to ... Neil Cavuto, we guess, on Fox Business!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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