Guys Who Wear Masks Probably Do Hot Butt Stuff With Their Human Girlfriends, What LOSERS

Love it when Fox News idiots and other wingnuts accidentally reveal their insane insecurities when they don't even know it.

Hello, Fox News dude bro host Will Cain, tell us about people who wear masks:

WILL CAIN (CO-HOST, Fox & Friends Weekend): You walk around in your daily life, how do people treat masks? They don't treat so much as a protective mechanism. They treat it as a virtue signal that they're better, more scientific minded, smarter than you. This is running rampant, and it really is the dividing line in our society now — the elites versus everyone else they view as the little people.

In daily life, normal people with at least a couple of brain cells to rub together wear masks to protect themselves and each other. It is not a signal that they are better and smarter than you. (That would be the Biden sign in their front yard.) If you see a person wearing a mask and feel attacked because that person is saying they understand science better than you, you are a goddamned moron, and you have issues.

Thank you for coming to our TED talk.

SPEAKING OF wingnut dudes accidentally revealing more about their own insecurities than they are revealing about normal people, this post is about to take a hard turn into the subject of butt stuff. Y'READY? FOR BUTT STUFF?

Here is Paul Joseph Watson from Infowars, who has some very serious feelings about how if you are a guy who wears a mask, you probably let your girlfriend do pegging in your butt, and THAT IS VERY BAD TO HIM:

He believed it so much he said it twice, the second time slightly differently:

There is just a lot going on here. First of all, if you're a man who wears a mask, you have a girlfriend. Are you a gay man? Sorry, this is your girlfriend, and you are very happy together, Infowars guy says it's true.

Regardless, there is a woman in the world who has decided you are swell enough to have as her boyfriend. And she does butt stuff with/for you. When Watson says "that is not something to be proud of," we are having a hard time figuring out whether he is saying you should be ashamed because you do the butt stuff with her because it's something she's into, or because it's something you're into. (The first tweet she's "reluctant," probably because a woman has been "reluctant" with Paul Joseph Watson, we are just guessing. The second one, it's left to the reader's imagination.) If it's because she's into it, then good for you! You are concerned about her pleasure, in bed! If it's because you're into it, congrats! Your girlfriend likes to make you happy, in bed! (Also you are aware of your G-spot! Score, bro!) Hopefully you do the same for her.

Regardless, you are having sex. Hetero sex. LIKE A LOSER. A BIG GAY LOSER.

That is what it means that you are wearing a mask. Also this is what it feels like — you BUTT-STUFF-DOER-WITH-GIRLFRIEND-ER! — to completely own one of the Infowars deplorable unfuckables without even knowing it. All you had to do was have lots of orgasms. With your human girlfriend!

Anyway, the very smartest people in America, which is these people, have spoken about masks. In case you were wondering, no, Fox News has not gotten any better about actually reporting on what happened with coronavirus, or how 3,500 Americans a day are now dying of it. Lis Power from Media Matters reported yesterday that the first 30 minutes of Fox News's morning coverage was about Biden staffer Jen O'Malley Dillon saying a cuss, and also breaking HUNTER BIDEN!111!1 news. We're sorry, "news." Later on they mentioned coronavirus because unfair, strippers still get to do their nakeds, while restaurants are suffering. No shit, that was the chyron.

All we know is that if you're a STRIPPER who is a MAN whose GIRLFRIEND does BUTT THINGS to his BUTT, you probably wear a mask, and are also a total reject.

The end.

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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