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Halloween, Wonkabout Style

Wonkabout

Everyone's favorite day to run around half-naked is right around the corner, and as of now it's supposed to be in the low 50s and raining. Hooray! Have you picked out your slut costume yet? Popular loser costumes this year include Bernie Madoff, Balloon Boy, a Teabagger (unless you somehow go as the non-protesting kind...), or any celebrity that has too many children. Don't freeze your ass off, and have a "fun but safe" Halloween by doing what we tell you:


  • Costume Contests: The less clothing you wear, the more likely you are to win, is basically how  these contests work. Fur Nightclub is hosting a "Dare to Be Naughty Pre-Halloween Bash" Friday starting at 9PM with a large cash prize for the naughtiest costume, and the Shadow Room is hosting a "Scandalous Halloween Party" starting at 9PM on Saturday. If you prefer to compete with your clothing on, Clarendon Ballroom is also hosting a costume contest -- and the winner takes home $200.
  • Bar Parties: Lindy Promotions is hosting a Halloween bash in the Herpes Triangle, which guarantees an interesting evening. A $10 cover gets you specials at participating bars, but don't expect to be bar hopping-- this is a well attend, crowded event. You can also party with the Georgetown elite at the Late Night Shots Halloween party, if you plan on going as a douchebag that is, or do Halloween with the gays at Town Danceboutique.
  • Haunted Tours: The Museum of Crime and Punishment is hosting Fright At The Museum: Dead Man Walking. This event is for those who actually are actually scared of zombies, not those who think that Zombieland deserves to win an Oscar.
  • Scary movies: AFI has a movie series for every occasion, and they are screening, An American Werewolf in London, Shaun of the Dead, The Howling and other Halloween themed movies this week.
  • PG Fun: As long as no one mistakes you for a child molester, you're never, ever too old to trick or treat.  Where to get the best candy in DC?  Check out the Embassies.
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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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