Halp! Halp! No But Really, Halp.
Hi all, payroll's due and I'm how much under? Just about most of it, Katie. Our operating expense account dwindled down badly the past few months when I was writing muted, gentle moneybegs because February was a really good month and I am incapable of caterwauling too loudly for more of your money when we're okay for a bit.
Why should you give Wonkette your money? What do we do for you? Sometimes we just save your lives is all, I know because you tell me! Other times we're the place you pop into a few times a month, and you remember oh yeah, you're glad we're there!
And we are there, all the time, with our full time staff writers SER on culture and racial justice and electoral races and being mean to Kyrsten Sinema; Dok doing policy and the environment and real bummers but we need to cover them (and real nice times and we get to cover them!); Robyn on labor and social justice and feminism and cults; and Evan just doing metaphorical violence, with his very mean tongue.
And we (you) pay them (and me!) a nice middle-class wage and excellent benefits.
BUT WAIT! There's more! We also bring you Liz and Jamie on the law, with Liz in particular a person you should not cross; we give you art every weekday from your friend Martini Ambassador, and we give you regular contributions from Michael on the shows, and Erik Loomis teaching you labor history, and now we even have happy hour with Hooper, your bartender, every Friday.
And we do this all without ads or vulture capitalists funding our shit. (Some of you in a very kindly manner have told me you would not mind if we had ads again, if that's what it takes. Unfortunately, ads are bullshit and haven't paid more than pennies for our hundreds of thousands of regular visitors reading 8 or 9 million pages a month, and they haven't for years. So thank you no thank you, ADS, STAY OUT.)
I am embarrassed to shout at you, "HEY, IF YOU ARE NOT POOR I REALLY NEED YOU TO SEND ME MONEY" (please do not send me money if you are poor), but HEY IF YOU ARE NOT POOR I REALLY NEED YOU TO SEND ME MONEY. If you are already sending us money every month and you have extra this month and you want to, I will allow it only because holy shit are we short, but it would really be great if the (645,948 minus 4012, MATH) 640,000 and change of you who are popping by Wonkette and not giving us money gave us some money. Again, unless you are poor! Your Joe Biden Bucks are no good here, poor friends! You go buy you something nice! Like an electric bill and food!
So please, only if you are able, and you have $2 or $10 or $11,000 extra dollars a month, please hit the widget below, click just once or monthly (MONTHLY! DO IT MONTHLY!), and then remember to choose "Paypal" if you are Paypal or "Stripe" if you are credit cards that are not Paypal, or your generous love gift will not go through. (Here's a permalink if you're reading us somewhere that doesn't show the widget.)
Because you love us, and life without Wonkette would be SOME SHIT. For you, but also for me. I'm unhireable.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.