Hank Paulson Gives Up Buying Toxic Assets, Will Now Give Money To, Who Knows, Rats?
Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson announced amajor shift today in the Troubled Asset Release Program (TARP!) -- or, as the kids call it, "n00bama bailout $ocialism" -- and we do not necessarily know to what the shift is. We know from what Hanky is shifting away, though, and that is the plan to buy toxic mortgage-related assets from financial institutions so as to loosen credit and save America. You may recall this instrument Hank is now abandoning: it was the whole point of the bailout, the thing Hank and his chum Ben Bernanke DEMANDED Congress pass within 20 minutes or the child would die.
Now, Hank says, the $700 billion will "be used in a broader campaign to bolster the financial markets and, in turn, make loans more accessible for creditworthy borrowers seeking car loans, student loans and other kinds of borrowing." So just... money for motherfuckers that be needin' some money. NO MONEY FOR DETROIT THOUGH, Hank promised! Ha ha ha, god, we are a nation of fucked beggars.