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Today was the big Abortion Thingy on The Mall! Yay! Since my day job is right in the middle of it, I decided to go all photojournalisty on you. And what did I learn? First of all, these people couldn't possibly be whiter. Also: What they lack in spelling skills, they make up for in juvenile voter fraud! Plus, of course, there were Paultards. To quote John Waters, I wish I were a girl so that I could get an abortion! More pictures after the jump...


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Paultard alert! I wouldn't say they were there in force, but they were there. And I heard lots of people snickering at them, saying things like, "Who invited the hippies?" Here's the back of their folksy sign:

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Is that his running mate! Go Paul/Tyvek '08! Next up, either this little girl is a liar, or maybe she's a midget:

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Seriously, do these people even read the signs they force their kids to carry around? Meanwhile, these entrepreneurial teens were selling t-shirts:

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You know, some people choose abstinence, while others have it thrust upon them. I must confess that I could have gotten a hi-fucking-larious shot of a portly, homely teen wearing the "Virginity Rocks" shirt, but it turns out that I can actually be nice. Who knew? Next up, I can't even begin to explain this:

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Obscure dog graphics 4 life!

As they were leaving, they do what they always do: dump their signs any old place. Really, every year these protesters are consistently THE litter-buggiest of them all:

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And that's it! Any surprises? Well, other than the misspelled "Aboration" sign, I was truly surprised by the almost complete lack of campaign signs, especially since last year was Brownback City (Ron Paul notwithstanding; I'm talking real candidates, people). I expected to at least see lots of Huckabee fever, but alas.

See you next year, nutjobs!

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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