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AIN'T THE BEER COLD!

As your Wonkette reporter in Baltimore, I may have used a touch of inflammatory language toward Attorney General Jeff Sessions on Wednesday. In my own defense, the Baltimore Uprising/Riot was incredibly traumatic for the city. When you're known worldwide for The Wire and Homicide, it's easy to get used to having 300 murders a year. We can fight about whether it should be called a riot or an uprising, but either way, it forced us to look hard at things we'd just taken for granted as background noise.

This level of violence is not okay. It just can't be normal.

Over the past year, the city and the police department have negotiated in good faith to try to dig us out of this hole. Things really are getting better. The Sessions Justice Department attempted to torpedo the Consent Decree at the eleventh hour as a signal to Republicans that it supports law enforcement over the interests (and lives) of the citizenry. It had nothing to do with the welfare of our city.

Today, Judge James K. Bredar signed the Consent Decree, giving it the force of law.

The case is no longer in a phase where any party is unilaterally entitled to reconsider the terms of the settlement; the parties are bound to each other by their prior agreement. The time for negotiating the agreement is over.

Our citizens will be able to bring violations to the federal court for enforcement. In other cities, Sessions will probably succeed in killing Consent Decrees begun under the Obama Justice Department. Their citizens will have the uphill climb of bringing individual lawsuits.

No one thinks this Consent Decree will solve all our problems. But at least it reorients the police department and the city toward community policing and respect for all our citizens. It's a start.

To paraphrase Big Papi Ortiz, "This is our fucking city, Hon!"

Also...FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS!

[Baltimore SunConsent Decree / Judge Bredar's Order / Wonkette]

Throw us a couple of dollars for Utz and Bohs?

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Okay, we admit it. We skipped ahead and "live-blogged" in the night. After writing 4,000 words about Michael Cohen yesterday, we COULD. NOT. STOP. Lock us up in the cell next to Michael Cohen, we hear he's got JOKES. Seriously, here's Michael Cohen talking about Robert Costello, the attorney Rudy (allegedly) dispatched to dangle a pardon after Cohen flipped, without using his name.

LAWYER: Close to the President.

COHEN: Yes.

LAWYER: Employed by the White House?

COHEN: What, are we playing that game where you put it on your forehead?

LAWYER I'm grasping for straws here, Mr. Cohen. I'm just trying to figure out who the - not the intermediary. You don't have to talk about the intermediary.

COHEN: Well, if you ask me any more questions, it's either the person or King Kong, right?

Michael Cohen DGAF on February 28, and he continued to not GAF on March 6 when the Committee reconvened.

Mike Conaway (R-Irrelevance) got the ball rolling by reminding Cohen that he was still under oath -- "Typically, it finishes off with, 'So help me God,' some phrase like that." Not that he wanted Cohen to swear again, but Mike Conaway was just sayin'. Can Mike Conaway pour piss from a boot with instructions written on the heel? We would not swear to it!

Also, either Robert Costello's name is redacted all over this document because he's getting an award for excellence in legal ethics and they don't want to ruin the surprise, or he's in deep shit with SDNY. (Spoiler Alert ...)

Alright, whatcha got for us Mikey?

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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