Been married so many times, she got rice marks on her face.On this glorious morning in DC, the first legal weddings of the homosexuals took place. Hooray! And all thanks to Supreme Court Chief Justice John "Gay" Roberts, who so loves his people that he didn't overturn the local law or call for mass arrests or appoint George W. Bush president. About a hundred couples are expected to exchange vows today, and then there will be no more sadness, because they too can register for a bunch of shit from Crate & Barrel. [Washington Times/Fox News]

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