Happy, Uh, 'Birthday,' Roe v. Wade!
It's the 36th anniversary of the famous abortion decision, "Roe v. Wade." Happy, uh, birthday, to, uhm, the legal ruling! Yes, happy birthday to this thing, which has been the dominant American political issue since we lost the Vietnam War. Honestly, this fucking country ....
Way back in 1970, a woman using the utterly predictable alias of "Jane Roe" (actually teevee's Laura Dern) was the mysterious human behind a class-action lawsuit against the anti-abortion laws of Evil Texas. Somehow, this ended up in the Supreme Court, here in Washington, and next thing you know, three years later, the liberal Nixon Court made free & easy abortions the Law of the Land.
While conservatives hoped this would lead to the abortion of black children, in reality it was rich white people who stopped having twenty kids. (This may or may not have anything to do with Roe v. Wade.) Next thing you know, the public schools had become Mexican Madrassas. People are still having protests, though admittedly much less often and to absolutely no media attention, unlike in, say, the mid 1980s, when this stuff was insane.
Ha, for journalistic reasons, your editor once met up with wingnuts in a parking lot somewhere, before dawn, and then we cold invaded some office-park stucco medical office somewhere, and packed the upstairs hallway for several hours, just singing hymns and generally going nuts, and maybe prevented some girl from getting to the office and KILLING A FETUS, or maybe she just had an ob-gyn appointment but couldn't see the doctor and later tragically died of cervical cancer, who knows, and then the sheriff's deputies showed up and started dragging these christian idiots down the stairs, and they got to your editor, who was all, "Press, ha ha!", and the wingnuts started SCREAMING at your editor and actually doing that "Satan, get behind me" line, which was ridiculous.
Today, the controversy over abortions continues. Pro-life supporters at Calvary Chapel in Santa Maria marked the anniversary with a display of tiny crosses.
"They represent 1.2 million abortions that took place last year in the United States," Jon Lindgren of Calvary Chapel explained.
Jesus fucking christ. First off, if there aren't 1.2 million toothpick crosses at this church, then these people are slackers and not very serious about honoring the feti. Secondly, do they want these little ghost babies to be crucified? Have they not suffered enough, these tiny, possibly malformed ghostlings?