Harry Reid Tells Canadian Anchor Babby Ted Cruz to STFU, GTFO, DIAF
Canadian anchor babby Ted Cruz has only been in office a short while, but already he has become a great favorite of yr Wonkette. Is this because typing the words “Canadian anchor babby” never fails to make us giggle? Yes, that is one reason. Is it because Ted Cruz always has that smug know-it-all expression on his face that makes us want to stick his head in a clogged toilet and give him multiple swirlies? That too! Is it because even hisbaby is a jerk? Hell yeah! But mostly we love Ted Cruz because he seems to have such vast reserves of dicktitude. We’re talking Manjoon oil field levels of untapped dicktitude resources, the level of dicktitude that, every time Ted reveals a new layer, makes us smack our foreheads and say “This guy! What’ll he come up with next?”
Apparently Harry Reid is less amused with Ted Cruz being the major landholding for dicktitude in the United States Senate, probably because Reid has to work with the guy. The Majority Leader went after Cruz on the Senate floor, albeit in a more restrained way, because it is the Senate and there are unwritten rules of comity that do not permit one senator to flat-out call another senator a dick:
Unable to hide his anger behind the usual facade of Senate brotherhood, Majority Leader Harry Reid stretched protocol last night and called Senator Ted Cruz of Texas “a schoolyard bully.” Actually he diluted it just slightly by saying, “My friend from Texas is like a schoolyard bully.”
Careful there, Harry, you’ll give yourself a rage stroke. What set off the normally milquetoast Mormon from Nevada?
Mr. Reid has been trying for two weeks to get a conference committee going so that the House and Senate can start working out their differences on the budget…
On Monday evening, Mr. Reid again asked the Senate to agree to appoint conference members, but Mr. Cruz stood up to object. He said he would only consent if the conference agreed in advance not to raise taxes, and not to raise the debt ceiling.
This is the same budget the Senate passed in March after months of badgering from the House GOP about how the Dem-controlled upper chamber had not passed a budget in several years, and this failure was suddenly the greatest threat to democracy since the Spartans set up Critias in Athens, at least until the White House started canceling tours because of the sequester. But now that the Senate has called the bluff and passed a budget, the GOP is doing everything possible to not finish the job of getting both houses together to write a final bill and send it to the president’s desk. Because governmenting is hard, but being a bunch of obstructionist useless dicks is fun. America, shining city on a hill!
Tuesday Cruz made a little grandstanding speech of his own, sneering about Reid’s dismissal of his concerns that the Democrats would run roughshod over the minority Republicans’ rights by using an elected majority to pass legislation that Cruz and his fellow dicks had been demanding for months and months that they pass. Furthermore, Cruz knows damn well that because John Boehner gets to send some of his own febrile shitheads to work on the amended bill, nothing with tax increases or a debt-ceiling increase is coming back out for a full Senate vote even if Harry Reid appoints Elizabeth Warren and nine Elizabeth Warren clones to the committee, and that even if the full Senate were to vote on such items in a reconciliation package, the Republicans are free to try and peel off enough Democratic votes to defeat it. But why do the work of legislating when you can just stand on the Senate floor and grandstand like a useless dick?