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If you're having a party to advocate keeping the gays second-class citizens as long as possible and holding it in the very best swampy heat that Washington, DC has to offer, there are many things you need to ask yourself. In addition to questioning any number of your life choices, you must decide what to wear! And so Wonkette proudly presents the Sweaty Fundamentalist Summer Collection.

National Organization for Marriage President and Hate-Marcher in Chief Brian Brown, shown here sassing it up in the VIP corral, chose a navy suit, which is the traditional garb of his tribe (self-satisfied, irrationally homophobic twatfaces).

Mike Huckabee accessorized with an iPhone, preloaded with quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. for egregious misuse in support of discrimination.

 

Among the depressingly numerous clergymen in attendance, basic black was, unfortunately, the color of the day...

...though these guys seemed to have thought ahead. Crisp and cool!

A faux-Colonial look is always in style, and in weather like this, you can fix a tasty brew just by letting your teabags dangle inside your breeches.

Of course, if you really want to make a statement without saying a word...

...you should dress as a sad parody of Captain America and bring a dangerously long pole with a flag that smacks small children in the face if they stand anywhere near you.

Also, the heat doesn't seem so bad if you're doing all your sweating inside a grotesquely distorted mask that vaguely resembles the President!

And if you're New York State Senator Ruben Diaz, the wretched heat actually succeeded in making your ridiculous, ubiquitous hat socially acceptable.

Defenders of straight marriage, you are inspirational fashion icons for us all.

That better not be a cotton-poly blend, mister, or you're going to hell.

 

You can follow Beth on Twitter if you're into that.

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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