Today we celebrate the feast of Teresa of Ávila, also known as Teresa of Jesus. Teresa found life in a 16th century Spanish convent too full of gossip and other social activity to be able to really get down to deep thought and prayer, so she took some other bookish nuns to the outskirts of town, where they refused to wear shoes, flagellated themselves, and engaged in meditative prayer.

Teresa's story shares a number of elements with our old friend Joseph of Cupertino, the Flying Friar. They both lived monastic lifestyles in the midst of the Protestant Reformation; both were known for levitation, and they each experienced ecstatic visions. In stark contrast to Joseph, Teresa was not a fucking idiot. She wrote a number of books, including a seminal work on meditation, El Castillo Interior (The Interior Castle), in which she details increasingly intense levels of religious contemplative prayer. This and much of her other work was inspired by her frequent visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations. Let's quote Wikipedia directly to shed some light on those tactile trips:

On St. Peter's Day in 1559, Teresa became firmly convinced that Jesus Christ presented himself to her in bodily form, though invisible.

Another of her well-known visions included an angel stabbing her repeatedly with a spear of gold and fire, filling her with love for God (we've all been there, right?).

In a triumph of post-Vatican II feminism, she and Catherine of Siena were the first women to be named Doctors of the Church, in 1970. Also because of her smarts and penchant for deep concentration, St. Teresa of Ávila is the patron saint of chess. To honor her and the seasonality of apples, we will make an apple chess pie.

Chess pie has a custard-like filling, and the distinguishing factor is corn meal in the custard. The most common varieties are lemon and chocolate, but you can put whatever you like in them. Autumn is apple time. Do not buy apples from your supermart. They are nasty and grainy because they've been in cold storage for a year. Go to an orchard and pick your own, or find a trusted roadside/farmers market purveyor. Buy a peck, and put them in your fridge. They will last.

Apple Chess Pie

1 pie dough in a pie pan (Here's Mojopo's recipe, but you only need half of it)

3 smallish sweetish apples, peeled and sliced a little thinner than for old-fashioned apple pie

3 eggs

1 cup of sugar

2 tablespoons corn meal

1 tablespoon lemon juice (or vinegar)

1/2 cup of melted butter (that's one stick, or a quarter pound)

One single, solitary drop of vanilla extract

Heat oven to 425° F. Prick the pie dough all over with a fork, then "blind bake" it for about 10 minutes, until it's starting  to change color slightly.

Remove the pie crust, and turn the oven down to 350°F. Place the apple slices in a fancy arrangement in the pie crust. It should be one layer of apples.

Beat the eggs so they're nice and beat up together.   Add the sugar, corn meal, lemon juice, vanilla, and melted butter, and beat just enough to combine everything.

Gently pour the mixture over the apples, or else you'll ugly up that fancy arrangement upon which you just spent so much effort.

Bake for about 40-60 minutes, until the top is golden brown and delicious and the filling is set.

Enjoy, á la mode, and according to The Fannie Farmer Cookbook, which everyone should have a copy of, "slightly warm (or room temperature, but not chilled!)."

Think deeply about where the apple ends and the chess filling begins. This is what Teresa of Ávila termed "devotion of union."


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It started with them damn hats. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

A guest post by "Knitsy McPurlson," which we suspect is not a real name.

Yr Wonkette is not the only website run by brilliant peoples unafraid to poke people with sharp, pointy sticks. – a website for knitters, crocheters, and other folks interested in textiles and fiber arts – is poking people with knitting needles, which are very sharp indeed.

This past weekend,'s founders showed the world how easy it is to de-platform white nationalists and racists when they banned all "support of Donald Trump and his administration" from their website, concluding they "cannot provide a space that is inclusive of all and also allow support for open white supremacy." Seems like people smart enough to decode a knitting pattern are also smart enough to decode Trump's not-so-hidden message of racism and white nationalism.

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One day, God willing, my grandchildren will click open their history textbooks and read about the Central American migrant internment camps. They'll learn about sick kids, locked in cages, kept hungry and dirty and cold for weeks on end, and they'll be horrified.

"Bubbie," they'll say, "how could this happen in America? How could there be toddlers sleeping on the ground without blankets, without soap or toothbrushes to clean themselves?"

"I don't know. I wish I had done more. I'm ashamed," I'll say. We will all have to answer for this atrocity. But some of us will have to answer more than others. Not just the archvillains like Stephen Miller and John Kelly, but the people who kept right on doing their jobs, even as those jobs morphed into defending concentration camps.

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