Devin Nunes is not the brightest potato chip in the toolshed. We know this. And we also know, from Lev Parnas's receipts, that Nunes and his associates seem to have been involved in Trump's Ukraine crimes, going back a very long time, trying to hit up Ukraine for fake Joe Biden dirt to help Trump steal the 2020 election. Problem is, it sounds like Devin Nunes, dim bulb that he is, may actually believe the fake dirt, which means he's just as gullible as Rudy Giuliani, and that's just sad and entirely unsurprising, as these are the type of people the "do not eat frozen solid" labels on frozen pizza were intended for.

Late last week, Nunes decided to smear former ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch some more, because that train is never late, saying she's just real lucky his House Intelligence Committee Republicans didn't get to call any (lying) witnesses (to lie to Congress), because if they did, they would have testified (lied) that Yovanovitch was a big Trump hater who couldn't stop saying bad things about Trump. This lie, of course, is one of the primary reasons Trump wanted her fired, but Lev Parnas now says he no longer believes those lies he used to tell about Yovanovitch.

Tattoo it on cow's back and call it a tramp stamp, Fucking Devin still believes the lies, as he explained to Laura Ingraham the other night:


There's a reason why she got fired. This is one of the things we could never really get out because we couldn't bring in witnesses, but you know, we had people that we were ready to bring in that said that she was anti-Trump, espousing anti-Trump administration views while she was ambassador to Ukraine. That's her boss.

So she's lucky we couldn't bring any actual witnesses in, because there are people that wanted to testify against her.

Yeah we bet. We bet weirdass non-journalist John Solomon or his "sources" wanted to testify. We bet some corrupt Ukrainian former prosecutors who tell Rudy Giuliani literally everything he wants to hear wanted to testify, even though none of their so-called information is true. Like maybe Yuriy Lutsenko, the one who invented the lie and told it to John Solomon that Yovanovitch had compiled a "do not prosecute" list of protected people, even though he's now retracted that lie. Hell, there is no shortage of corrupt former Ukrainian officials who were gunning for Yovanovitch, each and every one of them hating her because she was standing directly in the way of the corrupt acts they wanted to commit in Ukraine.

Might as well get witness testimony from a dishonest fibbing COW, Devin, you know, one of those cows who says, "Oh Devin, you look very sexxxy tonight, you are CERTIFIED ANGUS FINEST AMONG DAIRY FARMERS," but doesn't really mean it, she's just using you like all the others, what a mooing temptress, ugh, ALLEGEDLY.

Now that we know more about Nunes's involvement, or what looks like Nunes's involvement, in the Trump Ukraine scheme, it makes more sense why Nunes was so fucking mad at Yovanovitch for testifying before she had even had a chance to say two words to Congress.

Uh huh.

We don't know exactly what Yovanovitch said about Donald Trump back in the olden days of her ambassadorship, but we don't imagine that a consummate diplomat was hanging around the embassy shooting Fireball and shitmouthing Trump. She's got some things to say now, though, after being fired without cause and being subject to a campaign of witness intimidation from the barely elected "president" and his gross friends. She published an op-ed in the Washington Post last week, and you need to read it.

Here's an excerpt:

We must not allow the United States to become a country where standing up to our government is a dangerous act. It has been shocking to experience the storm of criticism, lies and malicious conspiracies that have preceded and followed my public testimony, but I have no regrets. I did — we did — what our conscience called us to do. We did what the gift of U.S. citizenship requires us to do. [...]

I had always thought that our institutions would forever protect us against individual transgressors. But it turns out that our institutions need us as much as we need them; they need the American people to protect them or they will be hollowed out over time, unable to serve and protect our country.

Read the whole thing, as they say on internets.

Elsewhere in the Laura Ingraham interview, Fucking Devin complained that mainstream journalists are colluding against them and Laura Ingraham agreed that her tweets are suppressed, "it's so obvious," and then we guess Fucking Devin went back to the Fox News green room and untied his cow (rude to tie up cows in the green room, Devin, ALLEGEDLY) so he could ride his cow all the way home like it was an Uber or something, we don't know what Devin Nunes does with cows or whether he uses them as transportation or just for emotional support, allegedly, the end.

[Washington Examiner / Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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