Hi, I'm A Idiot!f

Did you watch Tuesday's Senate hearing on Russian hacking? It was quite a show! Director of National Intelligence James Clapper was there, being sane, and FBI Director James Comey, Mr. Hillary Emails himself, was also there, being James Comey. Oh, he's come around on how Russia hacked the election to help its puppet Donald Trump, but that doesn't mean he didn't find a moment to be SUCH A FUCKING HYPOCRITICAL DICK GRRRRRR WE NEED A DRINK.

It came in an exchange with independent Maine Sen. Angus King, and it went like this:



KING: Mr. Comey, did you answer Sen. Wyden's question that there is an investigation underway as to connections between either the political campaigns and the Russians?

COMEY: I didn't say one way or another. That was my intention at least.

KING: You didn't say one way or another whether even there's an investigation underway.

COMEY: Correct. Especially in a public forum, we never confirm or deny a pending investigation.

KING: The irony of your making that statement here I CANNOT avoid, but I'll move on.

COMEY: Well we sometimes think differently about closed investigations, but ...

THE FUCK? NO, SERIOUSLY, THE FUCK? This piss-colored autocrat wanna-be is about to be inaugurated PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, and there might be an investigation into whether he's actually been actively colluding with a foreign enemy, but Comey doesn't want to say anything, because it would be improper?! Meanwhile, this summer, Comey concluded there wasn't jackshit in the eight million Hillary emails the FBI sifted through that was worth prosecuting, so based on that conclusion, he figured it was important to tell Congress and the public that "OOH HOLY JIZZ-BISCUITS YOU GUYS, I FOUND SOME MORE HILLARY EMAILS MAYBE, I AM JUST SAYING!" and he did this 11 FUCKING DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION. And it was different because Hillary's investigation was "closed"? Oh man, fuck you.

As the Portland Press Herald notes, Sen. Ron Wyden responded that "The American people have a right to know this." They/we sure do! Sen. Kamala Harris also called Comey out, saying he set the bar when he decided there was a "unique public interest" in releasing "new information" about Hillary's emails. She added:

“I’m not sure I can think of an issue of more serious public interest than this one,” Harris said. “This committee needs to understand what the FBI does and does not know about campaign communications with Russia.”


Oh, but Comey knew he had to be proper and sit on this and vet the shit out of it, the way he DID NOT DO with the allegedly "new" Hillary emails, that weren't about anything at all, but sure did seem to cost her the election at the last minute! (That's why Harry Reid rode Comey's ass HARD about this the last couple months. Because Reid had seen this Trump Russia shit and he knew Comey had too.) Maybe all the CONFIRMED Russian hacking to help Trump and the ALLEGED Trump/Russia collusion to help Trump wouldn't have given Trump that minuscule 70,000 vote margin in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania if Comey had exercised such great caution with Hillary's emails, which were NOTHING, compared to what we're learning now.

And while we're handing out "Fuck You" love messages, we have one for the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance (FISA) court, to which the FBI actually took a warrant last summer about members of the Trump team and their ties with Russia. It got denied because it wasn't "specific" enough, even though, as Mother Jones notes, the FISA court approves 99% of warrant requests. Take over MoJo, we're too pissed off to make up words:

[T]here's ... a serious point to be made here. This was a warrant targeting four specific people, so the court treated it like a normal warrant. That meant rejecting it if it didn't provide enough evidence to form probable cause. However, when a warrant is broad-based and applies to thousands or millions of people, the FISA court seems to adopt an entirely different standard. Just demonstrate a vague national security need and you're good to go.

That's the irony. The more people that are targeted in a warrant, the less seriously the FISA court seems to take it.

Heckuva job, Brownie, and again, fuck you.

As for Jim Comey, you have again been gently chided for being a politics-playing, lame-dicked crap-weasel.

You are now excused, for the purposes of go fuck yourself.

[Portland Press Herald / Mother Jones]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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