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Hawt Lindsey Graham-Jim DeMint Smackdown Basically Imminent

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Lame non-magical toad wart Jim DeMint just lives to annoy fellow South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, doesn't he? Jim DeMint ruined Lindsey Graham's dreams of a GOP Senate majority, refused to allocate funding for some local science project that ol' Ham Biscuits desperately wanted and then voted against Lindsey's beloved "China you suck" bill to punish China for its currency devaluation. Neener! But because Jim DeMint can never be irritating enough, he led a Senate rebellion Tuesday against a Lindsey Graham co-sponsored amendment to reauthorize the Export-Import Bank, which caused the amendment to fail with DeMint noting that Lindsey Graham is basically a socialist. Fight fight fight!


The Export-Import Bank finances loans and credit guarantees to boost the sale of American exports (including piles and piles of Boeing airplanes made in South Carolina). The amendment, which was tacked onto the jobs bill that the House already passed, sought to reauthorize and increase funding for the bank. Translation: corporate welfare! Blah blah corporations are people now, and isn't welfare for people universally terrible, Lindsey Graham? Now hold on a minute, sayeth the communist sympathizer:

"I would love to see a world where there was a completely level playing field and we didn't have any kind of subsidies, but we live in a world where the amount of financing available to competitors of American companies is growing," Graham told reporters Monday.

Nice try at some crafty nuance there, SOCIALIST. Look at that Lindsey Graham, he wants to be such a gay French. Jim DeMint is not a gay French.

"America didn't become the world's strongest economy by trying to out-socialize Europe with financial policy, and we won't win the future by picking winners and losers with taxpayer dollars," DeMint told McClatchy.

We are 600% certain that Jim DeMint has no idea what he is talking about, but the point is, are you gonna take that, Lindsey Graham? Fight fight fight! [Politico/McClatchy]

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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