Here Are Your Victoria Jackson Campaign Posters, You Liberal Commie Monsters


We asked you to help Wonkette frenemy Victoria Jackson with herinspiring run for alderthingie of her hometown in Tennessee (not Florida, stupid internet), and you came through! Our winning entry is from Gleem McShineys, and it is titled "V-Jack's Secretz Revealed." We were taken by the technical proficiency, as well as the metaphorical eloquence of Ms. Jackson being an empty husk being piloted by a stuffed cat -- a veritable Ouroboros of puppetry.

We suppose that in a technical sense, since it lacks any words like "vote" or "alderman" or "Victoria Jackson 2014" it may not actually count as a "campaign poster," but then, maybe Gleem's intent was to move beyond those shallow outward trappings and force voters to contemplate the inner workings of America's political machinery. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Our second-place masterwork comes from iBurl, and is titled "Victoria Jackson Slays," which plays mellifluously on the imagery of VJack riding a JesusCentaur and slaying the evil dragon of liberalism, as well as calling attention to her career as a funny comedienne, in which she has "slain" many an audience with her humorous japes. Or maybe part of the filename was cut off, we dunno. Its hodgepodge of randomly-assembled symbols and words are a perfect analogue to listening to Victoria Jackson talk.

Perennial photochopper Dean Booth takes 3rd Place with this exercise in Victoriana. Note the li'l Ted Cruz picture on the table to inspire her. A veritable Masterpiece Theater -- We Are Amused.

And finally, we have our runner-up, "Victoria, Change, Please," by Jus Wonderin, who we certainly don't suspect of having just gone to one of those sites that turns any photo into a Shepard Fairey knockoff, no not at all. Why, that would be even less work than making Blingees, of which we didn't receive a single one, you guys!

Speaking of very little work, those Obamafication websites are really not very good at handling shadows, are they?

And there you have the exciting contents of our inbox for this contest; instead of telling you are terrible like Rebecca always does (and that is only the caption contests anyway; you are good at photoshopping), we want you to know that we are very pleased by all the entries, but we would have enjoyed having many many more of them, because we know you Terrible Ones are capable of some pretty funny stuff with the graphics and the manipulation and all. All of our winners receive the traditional prize, an "iPhone."

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He does not actually own a butter hat.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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The Dumb Song Of J. Dinesh Prufrock

A quick Dear Shitferbrains for you smart kids today, in response to our recent piece on Dinesh D'Souza's continued insistence that historian Kevin M. Kruse please bitchslap him with facts again and again. It turns out we picked the wrong historian to lionize, according to "Hadding Scott," who dropped by to let us know we had foolishly referred to a mere Princeton professor instead of to the most comprehensive take-down-er of D'Souza's lies, "Hadding Scott" himself.

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Among the primary results from Tuesday that we didn't report: Chris Murphy, US Senator from Connecticut, managed to hold on to the Democratic nomination for a second term. Actually, if you want to get all technical about it, he didn't win the nom Tuesday -- he'd already been nominated at the state party convention in May, and the Dem primary was cancelled since Murphy was the only one to file. Murphy's also heavily favored to win reelection this fall. The biggest question for Murphy is whether he's hoping to seek some other office in a couple years. (As if any prominent Democratic senator hasn't already mentally compared their inaugural crowd size to Trump's.)

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