Award-winning journalist (lol) Chuck C. Johnson has been promising us many SCOOPS this week! While we are still waiting on pins and needles and tenterhooks and fishbaits to find out which conservative politician's CAREER Chuck is going to END with booby-grabbing revelations (IS IT BOB PACKWOOD????), we do have this sideways cell phone camera video of a man Chuck says is John Boehner, though there is no way to really know, come to think of it, slurring THE FUCK outta some names of some colleges.

At Johnson's flagship muckraking website,, he says that John Boehner is being racist in the above sideways cell phone camera video, because he called the NCAA (you know, the dudes who run college basketball) the NAACP/NCAA and then chuckled. We, as a white woman, were not sure if this was actually racist? Because basketball players are often black? But then this comment -- one out of nine on the post that's been up since yesterday, because Chuck C. Johnson is a very important web journalist with very much following -- made us see that we were wrong. If this dude thinks it wasn't racist, then racist it sure as fuck was.

So there you go: John Boehner tells snide little racist ha-has and also does so in the drunkest slur -- Gonnnzthaghuhhhhh -- we have ever heard from John Boehner, if it is even John Boehner, and anyway do we even know Chuck or his source didn't slow down the video? NOPE we do not.

Anyway, if it is Boehner and it is a day, John Boehner is crocked, stewed, lit and marinated. But for comparison, is he more or less drunk than Sarah Palin here?

Just kidding, that's her on the reg.

How about "more or less drunk than Marco Rubio"?

Just kidding part deux, Rubio cannot hold a candle to human-shaped chardonnay barrel John Boehner! But you know who CAN????

Dana Rohrabacher (R-The Taliban), that is who!

We have literally witnessed Rohrabacher fall off his Costa Mesa barstool and slide in slow motion onto the floor. Dude's a yabba doo time. A Taliban time. He is a gay old time!

John Boehner, on the other hand, is probably too drunk to get his pecker up.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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