Thanks to the wonders of modern digital recording technology, we havethis "Vine" thing from "Now This Politics," showing Old Handsome Joe Biden being his usual awesome self during the State of the Union Address. Your assignment, O Wonkaderos, is to make up a funny caption for it and post it in the comments by 8 PM EST today, so's the night shift people (i.e., anyone in the chat cave after sundown) can judge your efforts and select the winners, to be posted tomorrow morning. And we promise not to berate you about how lame your captions are this time, we promise!* Winner gets a "pony." Or an "iPhone."

We even have two exciting gifs for you to choose from! In addition to OHJB, we also have another image after the jump! You will never guess what it is, unless you happen to guess it!

Our second gif thing is gleefully stoled from a Vine thing by Saladin Ahmed, and shows GOP First Responder and America's New Sweetheart, Cathy McMorris Rodgers, getting some epic side-eye from PBS anchor and in-the-tank Veep debate moderator Gwen Ifill. We think we are in love with that look.

The rules are simple: Be funny. Winners will be determined by the whim of the editors, who can be bribed. Obscure pop culture references are encouraged. Apocalypse Now is not especially obscure, said Dok, knowing full well he's just hours away from another "love the smell of ______ in the morning" or "_____ doesn't surf!" his own damn self. Winners must promise to feed their "pony" a healthy diet and not to use their "iphone" in the commission of a felony. Judging will not be unduly influenced by Pee scores, as many fine ideas arrive at the last minute. Like this caption contest, for instance. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Void where prohibited, or preferably in your own damn bathroom.

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. Not that that would affect your chances of "winning."

*We will instead damn you with faint praise, and you won't even know! Maybe!

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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