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Heritage Foundation Notes Food Stamps Given To Stupid College Grads Who Picked Wrong Major Like German Or Not Business

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From excessive drinking to being high pretty much all the time to a wardrobe consisting of only pajamas, blogging college sure is a rockin good time. And, it helps you get a job that pays money, which enables you to buy progressively better whiskey, hoping for that one magical day when you can afford the stuff that does not come in a plastic bottle! It’s good to dream, kid.

But wait! Maybe college ain’t so great after all, because did you know that some college graduates don’t make ALL THE MONIES and sometimes get laid off, and some even are forced to go on food stamps! Well, the good awful folks at the Heritage Foundation are right here to bring you the SHOCKING statistics. It seems that 28 percent of food stamp households are headed by someone who went to college. TWENTY-EIGHT PERCENT, people! That’s, like, more than 1 in 4 people on food stamps (math, bitchez). Clearly, our colleges is not learning students good. Or maybe we should blame the students! Blaming the students would only work if we were really dickish, but we are talking about the Heritage Foundation. 

First off, it seems that the Heritage headline, "You Won’t Believe How Many Food Stamp Recipients Have Attended College," is a tad misleading, because they aren’t talking about people who finish college, just the number who have attended college, which probably counts your doddering Aunt Helen who “attended” your graduation and gave you that crappy Applebee’s gift certificate you never used.

Folks that have a college degree make up only SEVEN percent of those households on food stamps, which is vastly underrepresenting the 38.7 percent of working-age Americans who hold a 2-or4-year degree. But since when has the Heritage Foundation let little things like facts and data get in the way of a good argument?

So why are a very small percentage of college graduates relying on a government program specifically designed to help in economically difficult times?

Well, one reason might be that some of those attending college are picking the wrong subjects to study.

Damn right! You’re doing college ALL WRONG. We don’t care what kind of fucking precious snowflake you are, put down the bong and get your ass over to the business school and learn how to be the next Jamie Dimon. Seriously, fuck 19th century German literature! That shit is as useless as Rick Santorum’s dick in a room full of lady hookers with uncontrollable libidos.

And it seems that Congress is also tired of so many people mooching off the system, because who needs a well-nourished workforce looking for a job. Congress wants people hungry, literally and metaphorically, for whatever crappy job Goldman Sachs will soon outsource to Uruguay. Per The Hill:

The [Farm] bill will include $8 billion in cuts to food stamps, much less than the $39 billion cut initially sought by the House.

Yes, that’s right. Congress will finally finally unveil a compromise farm bill that seeks to only cut $8 billion in food stamps. Cutting food stamps is like the sucker punch after kicking a guy in the nads, which happened when Congress decided not to extend unemployment insurance at the end of December.

Happy 50th anniversary, War on Poverty! Here’s to 50 more years!

[Heritage Foundation / Lumina Foundation / The Hill]

DDM
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