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Herman Cain About To Quit Because of Practicing His Love Too Much

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'I'll catch you ladies in a few days.'Briefly popular ignoramus Herman Cain was already sinking in the GOP primary polls like every other random dingbat the party has puked up for consideration during this long, long 2012 campaign season. But the latest scandal, that he carried on a 13-year-long affair with a lady who was not his wife, seems to be enough to finish him off. In the "next several days," Cain will decide whether he wants to go back to being a simple millionaire riding around in limos with all his ladies, promoting his books.


CBS News reports:

The Herman Cain campaign is "reassessing" its strategy in the wake of a woman's claim that she and Cain had engaged in a 13-year extramarital relationship, a senior staffer to the campaign told CBS News. The staffer made the statement following reports that Cain told supporters Tuesday morning that he is reassessing whether to remain in the Republican presidential race.

On a conference call, Cain told his senior staff that he would make a decision on staying in the race "over the next several days."

Now let's all hold our breath for the Republican primary voters to also force Newt Gingrich out of the race, for his two decades of philandering and multiple divorces and gross affairs with literally every woman he could convince to hump on his toadlike physique (two women, total). Certainly the GOP wouldn't hold a black candidate to a different standard, right? [CBS News]

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

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SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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