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Hero Alabama Dad Who Lost Gay Daughter Went On Ellen To Make You Laugh And Cry And SHUT UP YOU ARE

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YAY


Hi it is Friday afternoon and we are so OMG tired and everything in the world is the worst. EXCEPT! Remember how one million years ago (Tuesday) Democrat Doug Jones kicked Judge Roy Moore's kid-toucher ass in the Alabama special Senate election? Roy is all "I am waiting for Jesus to certify the results," which is silly because Jesus is a Doug Jones supporter who PROBABLY will Lake Of Fire old Roy at the first opportunity, whenever Jesus's dad God declares BOOK OF REVELATION ACTION HERO SHENANIGANS!

One person who helped Jesus give Roy Moore the ass-kicking he deserved was southern Alabama peanut farmer Nathan Mathis, who stood in the cold outside the final Roy Moore rally with a sign commemorating his daughter Patti Sue Mathis, who committed suicide in the 1990s because she couldn't handle being gay. Mathis admitted he was anti-gay at the time, too, but he's learned and changed his feelings about that, under the saddest and most tragic of circumstances. Mathis's interview with national news reporters while he held that sign went kind of viral, as he, a simple country southern guy, begged his fellow Alabamians not to let an unreconstructed bigot like Roy Moore represent Alabama in the Senate. He suffered the worst loss, and he doesn't want other people's kids to end up like Patti Sue because they were beaten down by a hateful society.

Anyway, we like Mr. Nathan Mathis very much!

AND HE GOT TO GO ON ELLEN. And he is as delightful as you'd think he would be. Turns out he was already a big Ellen fan before she flew him to LA!

We're not going to spoiler any of this, because it is all wonderful, and because you need to do what we fucking say for once when we tell you to WATCH THE VIDEO. We will say, though, that you don't want to miss his story about the first guy he asked to print his "Do Not Vote For Roy Moore" sign.

Here's a video!

WE ARE CRYING AND LAUGHING AT THE SAME TIME. Just kidding, YOU are crying and laughing at the same time, and it is getting the comments section of your OPEN THREAD all wet, like ew gross, clean up your gross lib tears, you Discussing Pugs! And now we are out of here to break #early, because we have a terrible feeling we're gonna have to come back here tonight for #breaking #news and #shit, UGH. OPEN THREAD!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you're not, because Amazon done fucked our payment system. Would you be so great as to re-sign with Paypal or Stripe? K we love you bye. (All you others can too.)

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Hillary Clinton spoke Monday at the Elly Awards in New York, and she had something to say about Donald Trump's vicious plan to see how many Hispanic Mexican babies he can hurt before Democrats cry uncle and fund his fucking wall. Here is some transcript and a video, lovingly provided by Daily Kos, and after that we have thoughts:

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In a normal news world, this would be huge news: Thanks to the Trump administration's hiring freeze, federal prisons are becoming chronically understaffed. It's saving the government a bit of money, so we can afford some big fats tax cuts for rich fuckwads, but there just might be a small downside, as a New York Times investigation found. Turns out that with correctional officers in short supply, federal prisons are burning out the staff they have, and often relying on staff like clerks, teachers, and medical staff to fill in for correctional officers on the units. It's all fun and games until someone gets mauled, huh?

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