Hero Boy Scout Leaders Protect Hypothetical Children, Destroy 20 Million Year Old Rock Formation
"Some little kid was about ready to walk down here and die and Glenn saved his life by getting the boulder out of the way," the cameraman is heard saying. "So it’s all about saving lives here at Goblin Valley."
Plus, it was a lot of fun! Did ya see that sucker fall! BOOM! Job well done! But is their concern for hypothetical little kids winning them the plaudits they expected? No, instead, a bunch of fascist nature-huggers in the Utah State Parks department wants them prosecuted, which is about what you'd expect from a bunch of Nazis.
The Salt Lake Tribune reports that state officials are planning a reception, of sorts, for the Civic-Minded Three:
"It is not only wrong, but there will be consequences," said spokesman Eugene Swalberg, noting that a criminal investigation is underway by State Parks authorities.
"This is highly, highly inappropriate," he said. "This is not what you do at state parks. It’s disturbing and upsetting."
Geologists date the rock formation to about 20 million years ago, which suggests that no children were in immediate danger, though who knows, maybe a gust of wind with the approximate force of a big guy pushing really hard could have knocked the boulder down onto a passing child with no warning. (Also, we know that the formation can't actually be any older than 4000 years ago, the time of Noah's Flood. Duh.) Because really, isn't it about time that somebody would just please think about the children?
Glenn Taylor said Thursday afternoon that he was the man who pushed over the formation, while Dave Hall filmed and Dylan Taylor looked on. According to Taylor, he and Hall are leaders for a local troop of the Boy Scouts of America. Hall added that the men also were acting as Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints youth leaders.
Taylor said he knocked the boulder to the ground after seeing a family walk by on a nearby popular path. When he touched the rock, Taylor noticed it was loose.
"I put my hand on a rock and it moved," he said. "While we were sitting right there we thought, ‘Man if this rock falls it’ll kill them.’ I didn’t have to push hard."
For what it's worth, he feels kind of bad about it now, and wishes he had contacted a park ranger. But he's a man of action, and saw a deed that needed doing. You know, like they say in the Boy Scout Manual: "Nature is the Enemy, and Must Be Vanquished By Manly Men." (We could be paraphrasing.)
"Glad we did it, wish we wouldn’t have done it," he said Thursday of his feelings about the incident.
America, fuck yeah.
If convicted of a crime in vandalizing a state park, the men may be barred from continuing as scout leaders, which seems totally unfair because they're probably not even gay.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.