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Hero Columnist Offers To Pay To Drug Test Florida Lawmakers

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Florida governor Rick Scott is one of those charming sociopath fundamentalist teabagger fiscal responsibility screamers who will nonetheless spend millions of taxpayer dollars to make absolutely sure that the government isn't giving a single $104 check to a poor drug user even as the state cuts school funding, just to prove he is an annoying hardass. So far, only 2.5% of welfare recipients have tested positive, making this a very expensive joke Rick Scott is playing on poors and taxpayers. But since "government savings" is nominally the reason behind drug testing state check recipients, Miami Herald columnist and novelist Carl Hiaasen, god bless him,proposes lawmakers show a little fairness and participate in a "patriotic whiz-fest" (Maureen Dowd is jealous of this line) where they, too, must all pee in a cup to prove as a group they are as crack-free as 97.5% of welfare recipients. 


From Hiaasen's column in the Miami Herald:

Here in Florida, Rick Scott’s campaign promise of mass job creation is at least coming true for professional urine samplers. However, in addition to being sued over drug-testing welfare parents, Scott also faces a court fight for ordering random substance screening on thousands of state workers.

Interestingly, the governor’s pee-in-the-cup mandate doesn’t apply to the one bunch that whizzes away more tax dollars than anyone else – the legislators who pass such useless laws.

I say line up all 160 of ‘em for a patriotic whiz-fest at the Capitol clinic. You think more than 2.5 percent might test positive? Let’s find out.

And I’ll pay for it out of my own pocket. Seriously.

Any lawmaker who says "no" to this is automatically a crackhead. [Miami Herald via RawStory]

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On Monday, Gloria Vanderbilt -- socialite, jeans lady, and mom of Anderson Cooper -- passed away at the age of 95. In more normal times, this would merely result in a few obituaries and tributes about her life, and the requisite few RIP tweets.

Unfortunately, we do not live in normal times. These days, no celebrity can die without it becoming the purview of the crazypants QAnon cult, followers of which believe that no one ever dies under normal circumstances, especially not 95-year-old ladies.

Vanderbilt and her family were already something of an obsession with these people due to several "Q proofs" accusing her of doing magic spells, wearing magic illuminati owl necklaces, and [checks notes] doing something involving "red shoes," which the QAnon people think people only wear if they love sacrificing children to Satan.

Yes, this is a thing. No, I do not know if they are also mad at Elvis Costello.

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