Hero Cops Taser, Arrest Dick Cheney

Quick-witted police officers in Connecticut finally took down the lawless fugitive who's been operating terrorizing America for the last 6 years. Dick Cheney was spotted driving recklessly through Long Beach Monday night, and once police finally got him to pull over, they were forced to stun him before they could get him into custody. Not even a stun gun can stop Cheney's pathological lying, though, so the veep continued leading police on even while in their custody.

John Spernak, 42, of Meadow Street, claimed during his arrest to be the vice president as well as the husband of Nicky Hilton, sister of pop celebrity Paris Hilton, police said. He was charged with attempted first-degree assault, engaging police in a pursuit, reckless driving, criminal mischief, interfering with police and being in a town park after dark.

While in custody, police said, Spernak admitted he wasn't Cheney, but rather Jaclyn Smith, former star of the television show "Charlie's Angels." He was taken to Bridgeport Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation.

We hope the Vice President gets the help he so desperately needs. Though we're sure he'll simply break out of the asylum to kill again, like a Batman villain.

Cops Shock Suspect Who Claims He's VP [ConnPost]


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