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Hero SC Lt. Gov. Candidate Will Close All The Public Schools Cause They Ain't In The Bible

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Just in case you were worried that South Carolina might start making a little more sense now that it's beenspared from thermonuclear destruction, here is a story about the latest innovation to issue forth from the Palmetto State: Retired Army chaplain Ray Moore, a candidate for Lt. Governor, has pledged that he will work to end public education in the state, because for most of early America's existence, we didn't have public schools, and now that we do have them, they're on a mission to destroy Christianity. Plus, there's nothing about state-run education in the Bible, so who needs it?


We suppose we could point out that there's nothing about Constitutions, republics (no, we aren't going to say that dirty word "democracy"), or voting in the Bible, either, but that seems a bit gratuitous, doesn't it?

Moore recently urged parents to free their children from "Pharaoh's schools" and either homeschool or send them to private Christian schools, because supposedly 40% of public school children lose their religion by the time they graduate from high school. On the Janet Mefferd radio show Wednesday, Moore explained how the godless government schools could eventually be strangled, not just in South Carolina, but nationwide, because he is a man with Big Thoughts about how America can once again be great. The first step would be an exodus (get it?) from public to private and home schools. Then, he figures once 25 to 35 percent of the school-aged population has been pulled out of the government schools, the states, starved of the money that comes with each butt in a seat, would have to capitulate:

“Then the states would then negotiate, perhaps taking out of their constitution platform, or the provision, that says the state had to provide education, and it would gradually be handed over to churches, families, and private associations,” Moore said. “That’s the way it was for the first 200 years of American history.”

Hey, you know what other institution we had for the first few hundred years of American history? Moore also blamed "Unitarians and socialists" for the invention of public schools "in the 1840s in Boston," which kind of ignores the existence of public schools and compulsory (for boys anyway) education in New England going back to the 1600s, but what's a couple hundred years when you're making a point?

You see, what we need to do, says Moore, is that

“We’ve got to go back to the original biblical model, which is Christian education and home education, and go back to the original American model. I think we do that, it would follow my theme of my campaign, which is: What once was, can be again.”

Presumably we should also close hospitals and rely on prayer and casting out of demons for healing, because is there a single word about hospitals in the Bible?

And even though a lot of people seem to like public schools, this is merely a delusion that we can do away with, because honestly, the majority of South Carolinians are Christians, and therefore agree with Ray Moore:

“We’d have a lot of those who don’t want to be in religious schools, but when you’ve got 70 percent of the population in South Carolina still in a Christian denomination -- we’re the majority, and we are being abused, coerced, and imposed upon by these pagan atheistic public schools, and it’s just got to stop."

The others can go find a private secular school, at least until we get the First Amendment returned to its original form, which allows all Americans to attend the Christian church of their choice.

The shades of Colonial education advocates Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, contacted for comment during a séance, were reportedly incapable of more than heavy sighs and muted sobs.

[RawStory]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He predicts this week's Sundays With the Christianists is likely to be extra-ragey.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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