Hero Teen Adds Lord's Prayer To His Graduation Speech, Saves America
Well, thank heavens, we finally have some balance in this crazy old world! After all these stories about transgender prom queens and adorable sodomite "cutest couples," our long national nightmare of progressive nice-time is finally over. In protest of a recently adopted prohibition on organized prayer at school events, the valedictorian of Liberty High School in Liberty, South Carolina last week bravely tore up his principal-vetted speech, thanked his parents for leading him to the Lord, and led the cheering crowd in the Lord's Prayer. It was an act of brave defiance right out of The Hunger Games, and we bet that young Roy B. Costner feels pretty impressed with himself for bravely risking absolutely nothing and being applauded by wingnuts from The Washington Times ("crowd stunned") to Fox & Friends ("brave move!") Family Research Council's Tony Perkins, who plaintively asked,
My question is: when will the adults show the same courage as these young people, who are saying no to repression by this radical minority? The response of the audiences in every one of these incidents is very telling. They all stand and applaud like a repressed people yearning to breath free. [sic] It's time for all of us to breath free! [sic]
Following the young man's principled opposition to 50 years of settled law concerning the establishment clause of the U.S. Constitution, atheists everywhere were heard to hiss "I'm melting!" as they gave up on their plans to secularize the nation and institute Sharia law. Or they may have just rolled their eyes; reports are mixed.
In an interview with The Christian Post, the young hero explained that he was merely protecting Jesus from attacks by "outside groups" that had forced his school to comply with the Constitution's prohibition on state-sponsored religion:
"The school district got so scared and blew things out of proportion that they took prayer out of everything," he lamented. "They did not allow teachers or faculty or staff to participate in the annual 'See You At The Pole' initiative, and they banned prayer and all religious references from athletic events and anything school-related. They took away a lot of rights relating to prayer and free speech."
In addition to ending invocations at all school functions, school officials also decided to replace prayer at high school graduations with a "moment of silence."
That "See You At the Pole" thing is an annual celebration of Christianist butthurt in which students gather "at a flagpole in front of their local school for prayer, scripture-reading and hymn-singing, during the early morning before school starts." It started in response to court rulings that while officially organized prayer is unconstitutional, voluntary prayer is hunky dory. (If the district actually barred teachers from attending, however, that probably would have been a violation of the teachers' rights; other than Costner's claim, we haven't seen any evidence, other than a brief note about a February vote by the board to "comply with state law by having only prayers that do not mention a specific deity." Oppression!)
Oh, and the "administrator approved" speech that Costner bravely ripped up? Yeah, he acknowledges that it was the "exact same speech" as he delivered, except without the Jesus stuff. But that sure was one dramatic empty gesture. Christianists, meet your chinbearded Rosa Parks!
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.